Thursday, September 10, 2009

Independence: What a Beautiful Snare

Through my relationship with my daughter I get glimpses into my own relationship with God, which often reveals the current condition of my spiritual life. That being said, I’m not bragging, more than I am confessing when I tell you that my daughter can be pretty headstrong and independent. She regularly insists on doing things on her own, forcing me to painfully watch as she struggles to button a jacket, fasten a pair of shoes or pour a glass of milk. The innocence of which I will take over the impending, dreaded teenager years when she will undoubtedly insist on doing EVERYTHING on her own. For now my daughters actions and attitude seems to be her subtle statement of rebellion that says, “The world DOES revolve around five-year-olds!”

I have been thinking a lot about Adam lately. The way I always imagined it, whether you believe the Biblical accounts of the creation story are to be taken literally of figuratively, the Garden of Eden was a virtual paradise that left Adam wanting for nothing. I don’t know about you, but I always thought of Eden as being Heaven on earth with a similar “No more tears, pain or death” policy. A place in which Adam enjoyed the very real physical presences of God who regularly joined him for a stroll through that unimaginably magnificent place, their relationship untainted by the impending “fall” (that whole “forbidden fruit” controversy). Who wouldn’t be a bit envious of Adams situation who had the luxury of laying his head down peacefully at night without those unanswerable questions that plague so many of us with doubt, uncertainty and fear.

Until recently I had somehow overlooked an interesting and thought provoking angle to this story. You see despite what I had always believed about Adams seemingly perfect existence in which he was sustained both physically and spiritually by the very presences of God, the scriptures reveal an underlying longing and an incompleteness of which he couldn’t express or understand. God, His very nature being loving and gracious, aware all of His creations yearnings and desires understood that Adams particular need was for companionship. In fact, in the creation process God wired him in such a way that he would long for the companionship of others. It was His design.

Though God had given man the earth in all of its glory and the infinity of the heavens above that dances with the light of planets and stars, He saved his most precious gift for last; relationships. From that point forward God instituted a peculiar new math in which “two become one” in a relationship of dependence on one another. This idea expressed beautifully by the illustration of two separate threads joining together to become one strong piece of string. Sadly, throughout history humanity has gotten itself tangled up in an ugly mess of disagreements, unforgiveness, prejudice, exploitation and eventual war. However, God intended so much more for relationships.

Not to get all John Lennon, “give peace a chance” on you, but this whole idea of Adam, his loneliness and Gods gift of companionship tells me that God does not intend for humanity to do this life alone. As important as our reliance on God is, we are also meant to depend on the fellowship and support of one another. In fact the scriptures constantly implores us to “encourage one another”, “bare one another’s burdens”, rejoice and mourn with one another. In fact the early church beautifully exemplified a communal faith as they met together daily to eat, fellowship and pray with one heart and one mind. There was a selfless attitude amongst them as everyone shared what they had so that no one was in need. They lived in such a way that followers of Jesus should strive for today. (Sorry, I did get ALL Lennon and Yoko on you after all!)

So, the question I pose is this, if we were not created to do life alone, than why do we continually insist on doing all of lives little subsections, consisting of our spiritual, romantic, financial, and childrearing lives, alone? The truth is that very rarely does anything good come from someone venturing out on their own, if you have ever watched Lost or listened to the members of the Beatles (or the Stones) solo work you know this to be true.

I am not so sure that our spiritual, nor any other part of our lives for that matter, can meet it’s full, God-intended, potential by way of our own efforts. No matter the hard work and determination we put forth to accomplish it, we are still short the full compliments of people who are on a similar journey that are able to encourage us. I believe that we grow, strengthen and learn as we celebrate the blessings and trials of our faith with others. Our growth in all areas of our lives is dependent on our relationships. As Wilco frontman Jeff Tweedy put it in an interview “there’s certain things in this world you can’t do alone and they’re usually important things.” Tragically marriages crumble, alcoholics relapse, believers lose faith and single parents burn out when attempting to navigate through this life on their own.

My former pastor, now simply a friend, is passionate about His relationship with God and often fasts, or gives up food for periods of time (up to forty days on several occasions) to meditate, pray and rekindle his inner spiritual desperation. However, he told me that the most difficult thing he had ever done spiritually was purposely secluding himself in a room with no books, music or anything else except for some water for three days, his purpose being to seek God without any outside influences or distractions. To me, this is mere evidence that we were not meant to be alone. Anything beyond a few days of seclusion and we begin holding conversations with Wilson volleyballs.

The topic of loneliness reminds me of a scene in Judd Apatow’s most recent movie, Funny People, in which Adam Sandler’s character, upon finding that he is cancer free, returns home excitedly to his empty mansion (save for a gardener, pool man and housekeeper) dying to share his good news with someone, anyone who will listen. However, having alienated himself from his family and not have any real friends, he walks into the dining area where his Hispanic housekeeper is tidying up and awkwardly attempts to explain to her that he isn’t sick anymore to which she nods with a smile before responding “I clean the stain in the pants for you”. A painful scene to watch that beautifully illustrates our need for the shared company of others.

Sure, on occasions we all need to get alone and recollect our thoughts, however, stay in that place too long (especially with the curtains drawn while listening to REM’s “Everybody hurts”) and you will need a caring friend to drag you from that funk. I have thrown my own depressing little pity-parties and thankfully, friends or my wife have sensed it and graciously barged in saying, “hey…is that Radiohead your listening to? Well, turn that off, open those shades, take a shower and lets go get some dinner!”

From the beginning of time humanity inquires in arrogance “where is God?” blind to his presences all around in the caring actions of those he has strategically placed within our lives to help guide, carry, instruct and encourage us. Within our relationships and friendships can be found evidence of a divine existence.

We are a proud people to be sure. We build towers to the heavens to find God on our own, we stubbornly wander through deserts to find the promise land on our own, and we greedily hoard the manna, whether that represents monetary resources or spiritual blessings, to provide for our own needs. Too often we resemble a five-year-old child who tells those who graciously offer their assistance that “I can do it by myself!” A statement that almost always precedes failure.

Whatever we are facing in our lives, God has placed someone there who can be a blessing to us. Utilize those gifts God has given you, don’t do life alone!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

TO BE UNHOL(E)Y

When it comes to gauging pain I am the wrong person to ask. As someone who has never broken a bone, been beaten up (let alone been in a physical fight) or had more than a couple stitches, a recent case of food poisoning was probably the most intense pain I have ever felt in my life. I couldn’t help but feel ashamed as I laid in bed writhing in pain as I thought about my wife bravely enduring child birth, my many friends and family members who have heroically conquered cancer and my grandfather who survived executions and extreme frigid temperatures, while sacrificing his legs and fingers in the Korean War. I’m pathetic I know, but according to my personal pain scale this food poisoning tore me up. So as I lay in bed at pains mercy without my usual distractions of YouTube, Facebook, movies, books and music to comfort me, all I could do was pray to God for relief.

I have a friend who, by all appearances, was happily married, had a beautiful daughter, enjoy her job and attended church regularly. However, as the years passed, unbeknownst to many of her friends, her marriage was deteriorating, her job was no longer fulfilling and her faith was simply superficial. Exhaustion and desperation finished off what was left of her strength and stability, which had been such assets of hers for so many years, however, from that place of brokenness new life began springing forth from that cracked and dry desert. She became much more honest about her life, humbly confessing her part in the faltering marriage while also speaking of her faith in real, genuine ways that I had never heard before.

I was reading Don Miller’s “Searching for God Knows What” the other day where he talked about Jesus and his message being unappealing to most everyone and that those who actually chose to follow him where the “oppressed, marginalized and the desperate”. Suddenly my experience of “suffering” from food poisoning and my friend watching the mirage of a happy life fade away spoke to me. I began to see that because of our dire circumstances we were both transported to places of desperation. I am beginning to understand that it is in such dark and lonely places that we can hear the desperate cries of our soul as it grasps for hope.

I have heard “religious types” say that every human soul has a God-shaped hole in it that we attempt to fill with everything imaginable from sex, money, drugs, friends, etc, and although such “junk” might satisfy for a time, only God can truly fulfill our souls longing. I don’t know how accurate that illustration is, but I have been around long enough to see that everyone of us has an ingrained longing, yearning and hunger for something more meaningful than this world has to offer. However, it is so much easier for us to turn up the music and keep ourselves distracted from the discontent of our souls than to completely surrender our lives to following and living out the message of Jesus.

The further I thought about this the more I realized that everything in our culture is geared around our finding pleasure, comfort and happiness with the sole purpose of silencing our disquieted souls. This morning for example, I woke up, put on a comfortable 100% cotton Hanes t-shirt, poured myself a cup of coffee and because I didn’t feel like cooking, had some Instant oatmeal. Later that afternoon I got bored of flipping through the hundreds of channels at my disposal and rummaging through the Internet in all of its glory, so I decided to jump in the car and head over to the mall to pick up those wonderfully comfortable Gel inserts for my shoes. Being worn out from all the shopping, I got a massage next to the Cell phone Kiosk where I later drooled over the newest phones.

My point is our culture has wired us to constantly seek pleasure and comfort. Heck, the Declaration of Independence tells us that we have a right to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” and so we have bought into that idea, pursuing happiness no matter the cost, whether we lose family or friends striving to achieve it. We are people who constantly seek “noise” to drown out those cries of desperation from within our souls.

Sadly, the church is not immune to this problem either. Sunday mornings I often look around fearing whether we are just going through some religious motions, numb to the discontent of our souls. I admit to being among the many who have tirelessly pursued a calendar full of church activities, programs, classes and responsibilities to appease our guilty consciences. However, such religiousness is a poor substitute for the fulfilling spiritual life God intends for us.

In the scriptures, as in life, those who found it most difficult to accept the message of Jesus were those who had everything to lose. For instance, the rich young ruler who came to Jesus seeking justification yet walked away sorrowfully after he was challenged to forsake all of his comforts and the religious leaders who opposed the message of Jesus because it threatened their status of honor and admiration among the people. The comfort, success and privilege that both the wealthy young man and the religious elite enjoyed was their distraction from the nagging emptiness within.

On the other hand, it’s no wonder that those who sacrificed so much and risked ridicule to follow Jesus were the oppressed and broken people with absolutely nothing to lose. The disciples that Jesus would entrust to carry on Gods message of Love, salvation and grace were a cast of characters working in unfulfilling, unglamorous dead end jobs. Others who put their faith in Jesus included fathers whose children were at deaths door, a woman who had exhausted all her resources to find a cure for her sickness and a tax collector who was not only small in stature, but was also despised by those around him. Jesus followers were definitely a rag-tag bunch of social and religious misfits.

Although it may go against my entire nature I want to fall into this second group consisting of desperate people. The truth is that everyone is already there to begin with and we can either accept that fact and turn to God to be our strength and hope, or we can choose to strive, fight and claw our way to some “artificial” happiness that looks good on television and sells lots of magazines but will ultimately leave us empty and tired.

While I’d prefer to medicate it away or simply ignore it, there is something spiritual to be gleaned from life’s aches, pains, troubles and tribulations being that it is a tangible reminder of my humanity and also my mortality. Though it may not make much sense to this culture, every once in awhile I got to skip a meal or say no to something I’d rather be doing. It’s necessary if I wish to be desperate and not quench that thirst for spiritual things that matter most in life.

Some call it a crutch or a weakness to turn to God in moments of trouble, pain, uncertainty and fear, but where else should we turn? God himself instructs us to “call on me when you are in trouble”. Whereas, the Apostle Paul boasted in his frailties saying, “that is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Our culture may glorify in the strength, courage, independence, and knowledge of humanity, however God celebrates in His humble, meek, reliant, sincere, and faithful servants.

It’s true that it shouldn’t take tragedy, discomfort, sickness, loneliness or complete desperation until we finally seek God. That is my point really, it shouldn’t take our world getting “rocked” for us to get serious about our spiritual lives, but more often than not it does take such extremes before we open our eyes to that reality.

So we can continue going to our churches and subscribe to all the “fluff” about Jesus (believing that he presented great moral teachings and basically cash in our “Insurance” when we die so we can go to heaven) right along with our Netflix and Entertainment Weekly but what we really need is a desperation for real spiritual impact in our lives. I’ll be honest, I am not desperate for God, in fact, I am not even close to being there and I have only met a few incredible people who are, but I want to be.

Occasionally we need to “turn-off” all of the distractions and allow ourselves to tune into the spiritual. Otherwise we are apt to escape into our own little worlds, jumping from one distraction to another, completely neglecting the one who offered, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.”

Parades of the Pathetic

For the record I am a Christian, that is, I am a follower of the teachings of Jesus Christ and believe in His Resurrection. Yet, I hold much of Christianity at arms length and for the most part have removed myself from the "Christian culture". The impression Christianity gives me by the way it presents itself and the way it appears to those of us on the outside at times leaves me feeling uncomfortable and uneasy.

When I think of Christians what comes to mind are people who are living and enjoying the American dream. They are happy families with two well-behaved children, good jobs and have a middle to upper level income. Of course they attend church, which has a handsome, well-dressed pastor, his attractive and outgoing wife and of course two gifted children who themselves minister on the worship team. The members of their church are people whom are not unlike themselves who are lead in worship by someone who could easily be mistaken for a talented and sexy pop star. All of their lives seem annoyingly close to perfect, with a little hiccup here and there. Nonetheless praise reports and thanksgiving dominant the time of fellowship and after the service all of the beautiful families retreat to their vehicles in perfect harmony.

Aside from its people, the culture and business of Christianity is as wildly successful and flourishing as well. It has its mega churches, its celebrities, authors and rock stars. It has its Joel Osteen's and Rick Warren's authors of best selling books titled "Your Best Life Now" "Become a Better You" and "The Purpose Driven Life". Turn on the TV and see the Televangelists promising us better lives, healing and salvation with such passion while surrounded by their thousands of followers who pack the beautiful multimillion dollar buildings. The message that all of this sends me is "look at the great things God can do for you, look at how successful, and beautiful and happy we all are…why not join us?" Christianity is boasting how wonderful it is to "join the club" and all I can do is try not to puke.

To be honest I feel I have very little in common with "slap on the back, big smiles and praise the Lord" types. I believe, but I also have my struggles, doubts and pain, along with so many others who don't feel like this type of Christianity relates to them. Which is why for the moment I have walked away and why I am grieved, because when I look at the culture and visit some of its churches, sadly this is the Christianity I see.



Arrogant, proud, self-righteous, smug, pompous, opinionated,

dogmatic, intolerant, hypersensitive, touchy, emotional, animated and forced.



God gave us the Bible to be our guide and give us hope. It is a book that recounts the stories of blessings and triumph, Kings and wealth, bravery and honor. A book so highly respected that it sits on the nightstand of the wealthy, in the bookcase of the powerful and is in the briefcase of the important. The Bible and its words have been truth to slave owners, Presidents and oppressors. It is a sacred book that at times in history could only be read by a man or interpreted by a religious leader. It is a book for victors and champions, the strong and the brave. Basically at times it seems to be a book that is for everyone but us who are outside the four walls trying to survive.

However, in between the writings of blessing, triumph and wealth God does something that continues to touch and bless me. Almost as if he were to say, "I have not forgotten you, my poor, broken-hearted child. I have spoken to the others but now it is time for me to speak to you". And so he does.

God commands that no one should "take advantage of a widow or an orphan. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry." Jesus himself blessed "the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." David in the psalms referred to God as "a Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows". Not quite the tagline to a flashy superhero but defiantly the heart of a gentle and compassionate God. Jesus tells a parable of a great banquet in which the master (who represents God) tells his servant "go out quickly to the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame." God desires the presents of the outcasts of society and so once again hope is rekindled in the heart of discouraged and downcast.

Through all the victory parades and praise reports God gently reminds the downtrodden that he is still there beside them. It is as if among all the great accounts of achievement and people of honor, He has left little tidbits of hope sprinkled throughout the gospel for those in distress as well. In a way I imagine Gods heart towards us as if He sees those with tears in their eyes and slowly he slips away from the celebration to take care of his wounded, abandon child.

Though Christianity marches on God reminds the poor, the slaves, the rejected, those who feel they have had their very souls ripped away from them that he is right there beside them and he will see them through. As the mega churches experience revival, God comforts the pastor of the rundown, forgotten church of thirty-two members. As hundreds are saved at an evangelistic crusade, God whispers hope to an elderly woman living on the streets. As the perfect family of four travels home from church on Sunday, God gives a single mother a few moments of his peace as her crying child has finally fallen to sleep.

Personally I prefer the humble and the meek. I prefer the company of those that hold onto God because he is their very last hope and not because of his blessings. I am more comfortable with those who have emotional scars and wounded hearts. I feel a kinship with those who have wondered away. We believe in God not because of his blessing but because we must, it is all we have.

I don't feel the same urgency that many do in the Christian world that God must have a place in politics and education. I don't care if He wants to concern himself with building mega churches and ministries. The only thing I am concerned with is that he is apart of my life and continues to be one of the few things that holds it all together and gives me hope.

So Christianity continues on in its grand victorious march, smiles on the follower's faces and joy in their hearts. Don't get me wrong, I do understand that in God is the victory, salvation, healing and joy but in the world I live in so many of us have a losing record. We are down more than we are up. We cry more than we laugh. We pray for miracles, for hope and for just a simple whisper to know God is still there.

Thanks to a few scattered messages to us ragamuffins, at least in my dark, stormy, doubt-filled world I can still proclaim; "God is here!"

Recycled blessings

It was a lethargic Sunday morning when I came into the living room. My roommate Micah was brewing coffee, which for him was more of a ritual than routine. I had fifteen minutes until church started which was just enough time to put on a counterfeit smile before I had to face my fellow "believers". Sure, if you don't want to go to church then don't go, but when you're the youth pastor your kinda obligated. Micah could sense from my body language that church was the last place I wanted to be today and suggested that we ditch, go get some coffee in us and walk around downtown. I was in just the mood to accept his offer.

As we rounded a corner there stood before us a beautiful, yet haunting Catholic Church that I had admired for years. The architecture of the building has a kind of gothic feel to it. There are eerie looking gargoyles placed strategically around the high walls that seem to follow you with their eyes as you pass. It is very reminiscent of the many churches that I've seen in horror movies were people flee to in search of refuge only to have bad things happen to them once inside.

The morning mass had just ended as people milled around in front of the building. Micah suggested we slip inside and check it out. As we entered, soaking up the whole atmosphere of the church, we sat on an old wooden pew in the last row in our best attempts at being inconspicuous. We only stayed for maybe five minutes half fearing that at any moment a priest would come running in frantically to throw us out, having recognizing us as imposters.
I don't know if it was because of the mystique of the building, its history, the architecture or the presents of God but those five minutes were an unexplainable spiritual experience for me. I'd like to think it was God who was there.

Over the years, in moments that I've been wrestling with my faith and myself I've returned to that mysterious and enchanting building. I stand in front peering up at the cross high above, trying to avoid the piercing eyes of the gargoyles, talking to God. Attempting to rekindle that same spiritual experience I once had here only to feel as dry and thirsty as the sun drenched ground I walk on.

Throughout my life I have found that I take my incredible personal experiences whether it is a place where I have experienced God, an adventure with friends or a magical moment with my wife and I turn them into something sacred and holy. In my memory they become hallowed moments that I hope to be able to relive over and over. However, I've found that you can return to an incredible camping spot, a magical concert, a late night conversation with a close friend or a long road trip yet the experience will never be the same nor will it ever live up to the way you want to remember it.

Yet, knowing it is futile I still peer into the rearview mirror at my life instead of gazing forward to the one stretching out before me. I continue to long for the incredible things I've already seen and done in my life whether it is visiting China, reliving the day I married, watching my daughters birth, hiking into the grand canyon or simply hearing a song for the first time. However, I run the risk of missing something life changing today if I am only focusing on the things that happened yesterday.

I do find some solace however, having come to the realization that I'm not alone. As a society we long to hold on to the glory days and rekindle a bit of the past. Perhaps for our own amusement and distraction we recycle the old satisfactions of yesterday. We long to return either physically or mentally to an experience, or moment that we hold onto as something to be cherished. For some it is the desire to hold onto their youth by covering up the wrinkles and gray hair. For others time is spent in daydreaming of an old flame and the feelings they shared. For many it is as simple as their weekly routine of worship at church or even the monotonousness of daily life. Of the many examples humanity gives us as they grasp tightly to the past, the one thing they all have in common is the refusal to let go.

At times it would appear that we yearn to relive our happiest moments and are content to continue in our dreary daily routines out of fear. Could it be that deep down inside we are terrified of a letdown? We have been hurt, disappointed, forsaken and unimpressed and as a result we only halfheartedly chase after any new dreams or experiences. We are finished with giving our hearts or at the very least our time towards something or someone that may only bear for us a fruitless or unfulfilling end.

As a result many of us choose to stay put, sitting in front of a church daring our God to show up like he once did. Well, others sit at home all alone refusing to take a chance to meet anyone new and face possible rejection. There are some who continue on in the same lifeless job or in pursuit of the same unrewarding education instead of opting for an adventure into the unknown. Sadly, out of this fear or at the very least anxiety, many people settle for the tedious life without ever truly experiencing the full potential of their spiritual and physical lives.

I personally believe in a God who delights in our wonder and excitement. Look around; I believe that a God that had a hand in all of this is not short on ideas for blowing our minds. A God who brought into being the rivers and mountains, the constellations, the creatures and all the different people surely knows a thing or two about sacred moments and experiences.

This may sound egocentric or prideful to say but I believe that God has a lot of blessings ahead for my family and I. I've yet to even scratch the surface of "spiritual" places or "sacred" things I have yet to encounter. I'm pretty sure that God has great things ahead for all of us, but we have to look with expectation to tomorrow.

I haven't gone looking for God at that enchanted Catholic Church in a long time, because although God is everywhere, he isn't there anymore. He has moved on to lead me somewhere further down the road. He won't allow me to stay in that moment and urges me to find him in the next place as he leads me. He won't allow me to stunt my spiritual growth. Just like he may be leading you to move on from a relationship, a hurt, a spiritual milestone; so you can experience what he has waiting for you. I for one don't want to miss a moment while I sit worshiping at the altars of past experiences. I want to live my life in such a way as to continue to live in the blessings.

Yeah, I will have plenty more lethargic Sunday mornings but looking back some of the hardest days end in the greatest blessing.

No, Doubt About it!

The Person who has doubts about something and then does it stands condemned because he is not true to his convictions and does not act from faith. Whatever does not originate and proceed from faith is wrong. The Apostle Paul

It is a peaceful summer morning as I sit outside of my favorite coffeehouse. The mood around me is light being that it is too early in the day for such serious conversation as the economy or politics. Most of my fellow patrons sip their morning coffee as they read the news while others make small talk over a plate of skinny pancakes. I sit in my usual spot on the porch that overlooks the whole outdoor seating area. A great place to sit and watch people come and go. My usual companions join me on this occasion, a notebook, several books and my MP3 player that is blasting some random indie band that I happen to think is cool at the moment.

As the sun gathers momentum and continues to climb in the sky, I sit with a book lying open on my lap, pages flipping in the wind while the song I was listening to has long since ended. My gaze is focused on a far off place as I am lost in one of my moments were I am taking stock of my life. I sit pondering the many questions I have about my life wondering whether what I am doing is what I should be doing and whether I am living the way I should be living.

Sure, not a groundbreaking, or mind blowing question really. Probably most of you reading this ask yourself the same question on a regular basis. "Is this what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life?" "Am I living my life the way I should be?" "should I find another job, or go back to school?" "What about all the people in need around the world and in my neighborhood, I should be doing something about that, but what?"

I don't believe these are just the questions of youth, twenty-something's or those experiencing some sort of a mid-life crisis. These are questions we continue to ask ourselves throughout our lifetime. Media, capitalism, consumerism, government, and religion in their selfishness volunteer their assistance to us by giving us their answers and telling us what they believe we should be doing. Amidst all of their “noise” only confusion, frustration and apathy are birthed within us. The doubts persist and the questions continue to swirl around us.

The quote from Paul the Apostle speaks to my situation and I feel at least gives me a point from where to start answering questions. After reading his words and reflecting upon my own life I came to the conclusion that I must build stronger personal convictions not only in the things in which I believe, but also the issues that I waiver on. This is not easy to admit but too often my convictions and beliefs are easily swayed by politics, religion or by a person with strong charisma. Sadly it's happening to many of us. We don't know if we are living the life we are supposed to because we are waiting for someone to tell us so. We don't know the next step to take until someone tells us where to go.

Throughout history religious, political and charismatic leaders have used rules, guidelines and commands to control, use and mold their followers. I have been involved in church long enough see the power of the manipulation machine for myself. I admit that when I was a leader in the church I even took part in the pulling of strings. Oh, it's easy really; you just have to have the lighting just right and the music just so.

Therefore, whether it's a message coming from politics, religion, parents or a trusted friend we should gather that information and process it critically. We need to have our own strong convictions and beliefs. We need to be confident in who we are and not rely on the acceptance of others. Then and only then will the whispers of doubt grow silent and a new confidence will arise.

Paul the Apostle was encouraging those who would hear his words to critical thinking. What I hear him saying is that despite what some my want you to believe there really are a lot of gray areas and that not everything is black and white, right or wrong. These are some very dangerous ideas that many religious leaders would rather not have you hear, but the truth is there is an awful lot of freedom given to us by God. Of course with that freedom comes responsibility. We have a responsibility to respect others convictions and beliefs. We have a responsibility to be life students and grow in our wisdom and knowledge. We have a responsibility to build for ourselves strong convictions and firm footing on which we stand.

Think critically, meditate and process everything. Ask questions and seek answers. Don't proceed until you have dealt with any doubts you may have and are confident in the answer. Doubt doesn't have to be something we view negatively or as a weakness as long as we confront our uncertainties. It is a strong beam of light that exposes the cracks and holes in who we are and what we believe. Once we begin filling those places with knowledge, experience and faith we become stronger people with secure convictions.

So how do we know we are doing what we are meant to do with our lives and living our life to it's fullest? When we live a life that abides by our convictions, beliefs and standards that God has place in us. When we know we are being true to ourselves and to the person God created us to be we are living the life we should. When doubt and fear no longer reigns over our thoughts and our lives.

If there is an area or issue in our life that harbors doubt then we know where to start. Being responsible means we don't act on something if we are unsure. Maybe that means starting with your faith and what you believe. It could possibly even mean starting with you. Whatever area of your life contains doubt begin to build confidence.

We could spend our lives sitting around coffeehouses and bars doubting, wondering and questioning our lives and actions. However, the world in its current state and situation needs people who are ready to react and respond confidently.

What that will look like for you I can't really say, I'm still working on things for myself. Yet, once we have firm convictions and beliefs maybe that will guide you to find a new roommate, take a summer break to volunteer your time to serve others, ride your bike to work to help the environment. Maybe you will stop whining about your career, job, schoolwork, family, etc and start focusing on the positives, begin writing letters to those who have power to make changes, not listen to others but decide for yourself who you will vote for.

We need to take a look at our lives and the world we live in and face those things that make us uncomfortable. It's wrong for us to keep on living like there is nothing wrong and living each day the same when we have doubts. Its time to find who we really are and what we stand for.