Thursday, February 27, 2014

Those We Seak Not Of (Addressing the "gay debate" part II)


    -As I declared in my previous post, Christianity finds itself in a time of great opportunity and responsibility to bless and minister to the gay and lesbian communities. I understand that the idea of allowing gays and lesbians into the church may be too controversial, uncomfortable and disruptive for many. It is urgent then that Christians personally step outside of the comfort and protection of those “four walls” and serve, love, listen, pray, comfort and make lasting friendships with gays, lesbians, bisexuals or transsexuals when their church cannot. If the gay community is unwelcome and uncomfortable in a church setting then we must take the church to them.  

                It’s no surprise that many Christians would be tentative, uncomfortable and furthermore ill equipped in responding to such an appeal. Christianity as a whole has for years presented mixed messages concerning how its members are to love their gay neighbors while remaining true to their morals and standards. We want to know what "loving the sinner, hating the sin" looks like and if it’s even practical or effective. To this day Christianity remains painfully slow in addressing this issue or presenting any clear direction for its followers who desire answers in responding to their Gay, Lesbian, Bi or Transgendered neighbors, co-workers, friends and families who stand before them right now!


 

                A good place to start if we wish to be sensitive and loving to gays and lesbians is to discontinue to believe, preach, teach or have anything to do with the idea that homosexuals are without morals, promiscuous, pedophiles and unfit to parent. The truth is that many Gays and lesbians do attend church, believe in God and have high moral standards. Some find themselves in committed long lasting relationships while others remain single or even choose a life of celibacy. Furthermore, gays and lesbians raise good kids and have healthy family lives. People have attached these negative characteristics to gays and lesbians to build their cases against them. If you can contend that Gay people are somehow “inhuman”, wildly immoral or dangerous it is easier to recruit people to your “side” of the argument. But the misinformation, lies and slander has only raised hostility, birthed hatred and caused widening division between the “sides”. Somehow the representatives of God’s unfailing love, redemption and grace find themselves on a “side” and we must make our way to the middle.        

            In our aim to be relevant to gays, lesbians and everyone else for that matter, we must practice the instruction of Jesus when he commanded us to “do to others as you would have them do to you”. If I wish to be treated with grace and mercy than I must extend it to others, if I am going to demand that I am respected and treated fairly than I must treat others likewise. If I want others to listen when I talk than I must give attention to their voice. How we want to be treated by others is how we must treat them now.


In addressing the idea of loving our neighbors, C.S. Lewis writes, “you have never talked to a mere mortal…next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses.” He goes on to present the idea that by loving and encouraging one another we are assisting each other to our full potentials as not only humans but eternal souls. Finally C.S. Lewis concludes, “it is in light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play and all politics.” We should live our lives with the perspective that each person, each eternal soul is precious to God and it is our responsibility to nurture and encourage one another.

            When I encounter someone who is gay or lesbian my heart goes out to them and I go out of my way to be kind, considerate and friendly. My wife, Sarah recently shared with me that she had similar feelings. She recounted an experience from when she worked in a dentist office in which some of the staff refused to assist a gay couple that had HIV. However, Sarah always enthusiastically volunteered to assist the dentist when this particular couple had an appointment. Sarah said she always went out of her way to be friendly and treat them with care and concern, going above and beyond for them because she knew that they probably weren’t always treated with such dignity and respect because of their sexuality and their disease. Like Tony Campolo wrote in Speaking My Mind, “We must find ways to present homosexuals with opportunities to have fulfilling, loving experiences so that we affirm their humanity and ensure their participation in the body of Christ.”


                The Biblical scriptures are full of such incredibly uplifting and hopeful passages concerning God sending his only Son to die for us, His compassion and grace, His goodness towards all of His creation, His offer of a life lived abundantly, rest for our souls and a hope that only comes from Him. These promises, these verses of hope, these passages of grace and love is God’s message to all people, including widows, the oppressed, the sinners, the alcoholics, straight, gay and lesbian of every race, color and background. There must be good news for homosexuals, because God also had them in mind when He inspired the scriptures.


Honestly the politics and debates concerning this whole issue are nauseating. I often wonder whether it is fair for us to expect the world around us to adhere to our biblical standards. Perhaps we can affect society more fruitfully when we focus on loving people unconditionally. David Kinnaman writes in “Unchristian”, “You change a country not merely by bolstering its laws but by transforming the hearts of its people”. We might win a proposition or Supreme Court decision, but at what cost? Are we willing to completely alienate an entire generation of people and lose their audience to win our moral battles? Maybe we need to reevaluate our focus and mission because although we might have the best of intentions, the world doesn’t perceive our actions out of an obligation of love. To be honest, we don’t always have the best interests of people at heart, what we have is our agendas. Sometimes we are more concerned with being right than we are with the feelings and the well-being of an eternal soul. 

            As Christians, everything we do should be motivated out of compassion for others. If we have any other motive, whether it is anger, hurt, self-righteousness, resentment or offense, than we should stay out of it. The world will see right through our empty actions if it is not executed out of compassion. 


Some Christians will argue that we will somehow be condoning the LGBT communities or that we are being too sympathetic by extending to them such grace. However, don’t they deserve to know and observe the message of Gods redemption and mercy? When we stand before God to be judged someday I don’t believe that He will condemn us because we extended too much grace, cared too much, was overly tolerant and excepting of others, excessively kind and loving. However, scripture is clear that we will be judged in the manner in which we judged others and we will be held accountable for withholding justice, blessing, forgiveness and love. I prefer to error on the side of loving too much.   


                Our obligation as Christians is to live out our faith in a way that represents the love and grace of God to the world. My hope for the gay and lesbian co-workers and friends in my life is that they will reflect back on their life someday and respond, “I have experienced prejudice, hate and struggle in my life not only from strangers but from my own family. However, this Christian has always loved me, been there for me and treated me with respect”. Shouldn’t we strive to leave such an imprint and impression on people’s hearts?  



It is my personal belief that the loudest message of the Christian church should always be love for God and love for others. Unfortunately the loudest message that Flagstaff has heard from the Christian church this year is that Christians don't like gays… What has not been heard or said as loudly, is that God is in love with them and has a desire to impart life that surpasses all that this world could ever offer…our message this year whether intentional or not has been one that rejects, not moral decisions, but individuals.


-Excerpt From my friend Kris Dohse’s blog, addressed to the local churches in his community who vocally and passionately supported an anti-gay marriage ballot proposition.

 

To Mend the Bridges or Burn Them Down (Addressing the Gay question. PART I)


I have brainstormed tirelessly trying to come up with some cute way to intro into this topic. Usually when I sit down to write I have already conceived some clever opening in which I can then build the whole essay around. However, this issue is too critical and pressing, there seems no painless way to ease into the subject matter. Its uncomfortable, controversial, and passionately debated, being as it is the “hot button” topic of our day. It is the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bi and Transgender) people, community or lifestyle. When you throw faith into the equation, much like water and oil, cats and dogs, it seems an awkward and perhaps impossible mix. 


Can I be honest and say that I’m no expert on this topic. What follows is simply my opinions and insights gleaned from my experiences in life and faith, as well as from my friendships with gays and lesbians. All I can say for sure from my safe vantage point within the “four walls” of Christianity is that I feel uncomfortable by what I have witnessed so far in my life in regards to Christianity and its interaction with people from the LGBT community. I have heard so many sermons and read enough “religious” books and scripture to know how God feels about his creation, about justice, about mercy and grace and about treating our fellow human beings with respect. I believe that Christians have made numerous irreversible mistakes in relation to LGBT's. We have been ugly, hateful, vengeful, unmerciful, judgmental and unloving to the gay and lesbian communities. We have not represented the love and mercy of our God very well and for that I am sorry and I live my life in such a way as to make amends.  


As the nation continues to go to the polls to decide the fate of gay rights and as gay, lesbian and religious organizations draw up their battle plans, it’s easy to see that these issues are not going anywhere in the near future. I believe that Christianity finds itself in a place and time of great responsibility and opportunity to minister to the LGBT communities, however I am afraid that we are missing this incredible chance to represent the love and grace of God. I fear that many within Christianity are so focused on the cultural and political war being fought regarding “gay rights”, that we are alienating ourselves from people who deserve to be loved, respected and cared for whether we agree with their lifestyles or not. These are human beings who deserve to receive the same message of hope, redemption and forgiveness that I did. No one should be excluded from those opportunities, however I wonder if the “Vote Yes on Prop 102” signs that support banning same-sex marriage in front of our churches send them a different message.


If Christianity sincerely wishes to reach out to gays and lesbians than I believe that somehow the culture and mindset of the church and its believers will have to change. First of all, the doors of our churches must be open to all “seekers” without prejudice, expectation or judgment. It should be a safe and welcoming place where people who are foreign to the gospel and the Christian faith can “taste and see that the Lord is good”, experiencing a relationship with God at their own pace even if it take weeks, months or even years to come to faith.
As believers we need to exercise some patients towards those who are in a place of pondering questions about faith. There is this expectation that people should walk into the doors of the church and immediately make a decision whether they will accept or reject the whole “Christian package”. The whole idea that we can hold isolated “evangelistic services” that cater to outsiders and focuses on getting them saved, plugged into the church and turned from all their sins that very day is unrealistic. We have to allow space for God to reveal himself to them, while our responsibility is to patiently represent God to them with love, while assisting in nurturing their faith. In our fast paced, drive-thru, high-speed everything world, this can be challenging. But a true, enduring, mature faith takes time to cultivate.


Furthermore, I have noticed that the church often has an underlying, unspoken yet tangible sense that everyone who enters is guilty until proven innocent. The truth is that everyone is unworthy, everyone has fallen short, there is no one who is righteous, yet God patiently offers everyone His favor which we are criminally undeserving of. We must keep in mind that it is God’s spirit that convicts people of their sins and not our bullhorns, protest signs or political agendas. We need to trust God enough to do His job within the hearts and lives of people and not intervene impatiently or without love. Scripture shares an important insight into the Character of God as “patient with (us), not wishing that any should perish”. That will probably mean we are going to be a little uncomfortable at times as God deals with the real issues in people’s hearts and we are left to tolerate and witness their “symptoms”. David Kinniman writes in Unchristian, “If we allow the actions and attitudes of outsiders to shock us, we become either isolationists or crusaders, and neither extreme will have much influence on outsiders”. How true and yet tragic this statement is.


Scripture is full of brilliant, yet often ignored examples for us to follow. Take Romans 2:4 for instance; “do you show contempt for the riches of His kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?” When God deals with us He is kind, tolerant and patient. Unfortunately Christians do not often display these same characteristics in their interactions with others. God tolerates our transgressions and sins, and then we turn around and are offended by the sins of others. He is patient but we are “tired of wickedness of our generation”. He is kind, but we lash out in sarcasm, anger and disgust. As Christians God constantly extends to us His grace, mercy and forgiveness as we constantly lay ruin to any sign of righteousness we might have. God does this not only out of an unfathomable love for his creation, but also as an example for us to live by.


If we as Christians are serious about loving the gay community than I plead that we drop the insensitive jokes, the untruths, misinformation and the stereotypes about homosexuals. Well we are at it, if we feel a strong conviction to fight for traditional marriage than that is fine, but let’s come up with a better argument than claiming we are “protecting the sanctity of marriage” by attempting to bar same sex marriages. We heterosexuals have done a fine enough job destroying the sacredness of marriage, trampling on its sanctity with divorce and infidelity that is just as prevalent within the church than it is in the world of “heathens”.


I consider myself blessed to have grown up in the Christian faith and church. When I think of the church what comes to mind are second rate horror movies in which people who are chased by either monsters, zombies or knife wielding psychopaths who are attempting to “hack them to pieces”, narrowly escape to the refuge of some peaceful, gothic looking church. Perhaps a better example is the far too familiar scenes from CNN following terrible storms and hurricanes, in which displaced families huddled together in the safety of a churches holy sanctuary, which has become a Red Cross evacuation center.


Too often Christian people who have “come out” have quickly been shown the door or have been shunned in shame by their old friends who simply didn’t know how to respond. Something seems terribly wrong when people are sent packing from a supposed loving, caring, community of believers. As the church opens its doors to victims of natural disasters, I believe it should also open its doors to all people who are in need spiritually. What better place for people to be than in the house of a loving, caring God where redemption and healing take place.


TO BE CONTINUED... 


“Love covers over a multitude of sins”


1 Peter 4:8

 
“Christians are primarily perceived for what they stand against. We have become famous for what we oppose, rather than who we are for”.


David Kinniman

 

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

We All Kinds of Crazy!


I Came to the chilling realization a few years ago that everyone, I mean EVERYONE has a little bit of crazy in them. This thesis found me mostly by accident as my wife was recounting with concern the reckless and illogical adventures of a close friend of hers which eerily mirrored other accounts regarding close friends and family members we had encountered over the previous months. When she was finished with her account I blurted out as if in surrender, “everyone is crazy!” I can’t be sure if it was a statement exactly or if I was asking a question, however, as the words left my lips the truth of it struck me. It was like an epiphany. 

Obviously I don’t believe that everyone is loony bin, straight jacket, certifiably insane. However, the truth is that every one of us is a flawed human being with hang-ups, irrational behaviors and unique quarks who could probably benefit from a few sessions with a licensed psychotherapist. What separates us from simply being different  and perhaps a bit odd to full on crazy is that we live our lives in denial of our imperfections while entertaining delusions of who we really are. I give you the comb over and Karaoke as evidence.

Probably the sanest people are those whom you would actually think had the most problems, for instance those in A.A and various recovery programs, a person with some sort of mental health diagnoses they are addressing or a married couple seeking counseling. The fact is that since they are humbly seeking the help that they so desperately need suggests that these folks have come to terms with their issues, their little slices of crazy.

This reminds me of one of my favorite stories Jesus told about a Pharisee (think: religious elite) and a tax collector (think: smarmy politician) who are both in the act of prayer. The Pharisee begins his prideful prayer, “thank you Lord that I am not like this scumbag tax collector over there…”, whereas the tax collector begs passionately and humbly while beating his chest in anguish, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner!” Obviously, the tax collector has come to grips with the reality of his situation, whereas the Pharisee is living such a lie that he foolishly believes he can “pull one over” on God. The crazy in this story is quite apparent.

Whether it is our continual horrid decisions and choices that makes best friends and family members want to strangle us, our self-absorption that sucks the life out of any and all attempts at normal conversation or our inability to separate our emotional feelings from reality, we put the people we love the most through hell!

What continues to fuel the madness within each one of us is that our reality is the norm. And because every generation is raised by a flawed generation before them, no matter how great mom and dad were, we are destine to grow up with unresolved issues pertaining to that.

Sure, I knew that everyone makes mistakes and bad decisions, but I never entertained the idea that all of us, even those I looked up to the most may have some wiring crossed or a screw loose.

Yet the evidence was undeniable as I began to witness marriages that I had hoped to emulate crumble to the ground, pastors who worked tirelessly in the ministry which left little time for their own families and heartbreaking fractures within my own family that left us with an empty chair or two at the holiday dinner table. I began to see crazy everywhere I looked within the safe and sane world I thought I knew.  

Then a new fear began to materialize as these truths became clear and I was forced to broach the next obvious question, “am I crazy too?”

We can rationalize our lives, decisions and actions all we want but deep down we all know our weaknesses, our limits and our braking point. This is the dark reality I had to face. There is a band called The Belle Brigades who have this incredible song called “Losers” containing a somber warning that “there will always be someone worse than you, sister don’t let it get to your head”. So true! How easy it was for me to glance around and carefully select those I wished to compare, evaluate and judge myself by. How unfair and dangerous this was as well, it only feed my own delusions, my own crazy. In such cases we all look pretty good as a world full of faulty people compare themselves with others in similar straits.

What helped me come to grips with my own bit of craziness was embracing the realization that “but for the grace of God go I”. Honestly what makes any of us think that we are any better off than someone who has made a mess of their life? Perhaps the only difference between you and me and someone we know that has gone through an ugly divorce is that we are more determined, stubborn or it’s a combination of faith and guilt that keeps us in our marriage. The only difference between you and I and a friend with a drinking problem is the drug of choice, they abuse drink while we eat, shop, gossip or flirt to make ourselves feel better for a fleeting moment.  The only difference between you and I and someone sitting in a jail cell is that they got caught and we didn’t.

You see how it works? We have certain preconceived ideas and judgments of others when we hear they got a DUI, a divorce or a prescription, until it happens to you or someone close to you.

We are all flawed individuals and when we can finally come to terms with that we can be better parents, spouses, friends and children. We can have more grace and more patience for those who deserve it and when the situation arises we can also be stern and uncompromising.

When I finally stopped trying to sell myself lies about who I really was and came to terms with the mess that is me, only then did I know how dependent I am on God and how hopeless I am without him. Many people feel like they have to clean up their act and pay some kind of penance before they can call out to God for help. The truth is that God is with us in the gutter. Discovering my shortcomings and dealing with my issues is humbling and even disconcerting but it is comforting to know that God hasn’t abandoned me.

Albert Einstein famously theorized the definition of insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I am sick of banging my head against the wall with only a headache to show for it aren’t you? It’s time we honestly take stock of our lives, our flaws and our crazy. Perhaps it’s time to try another approach.