Saturday, February 21, 2015

Who really knows God?

It is the New Year, time for resolutions, facing our demons and being honest about our "stuff". 

So in that vein of thought, I admit that one of my biggest faults is being a judgmental, hypocritical human being! I mean, I readily admit that I am a pretty good judge of people. For example, I know a person that I am going to like right away and likewise I can tell the person who I am going to loathe in just the first few minutes of meeting them.

That is the problem I guess.

I mean I have a lot of grace and empathy for people I do like, for people who are like me and who think similarly to me, however, those other despicable, ignorant people on the other hand, Aaugh!

Which makes liking or even tolerating people difficult especially during this past election season, or when having a discourse on political or social issues which are dear to my heart when they are on the opposite side of the discussion from me.

While we are on the subject, social media is evil right? It brings out the vile disgustingness in us in the very least!

Judging..we all do it right? We all quickly make our assumptions about people without really getting to know them or their story. It isn't always fair and it isn't always right but it is like a natural instinct to quickly label people and place them in their appropriate containers.

Sure, we need to be decerning in our interactions with people and take appropriate caution with people, but there is a difference between that and in unfairly making assumptions about them.

I know I need to be careful in assuming that because someone was raised a certain way, with certain beliefs, and ideals, that I know them. Also, that I can make conclusions about them and understand what and why they do what they do.

I see this happen when it comes to a persons faith and their convictions. Just because someones belief in God has a certian label or name we think we know them and their deeply personal, sacred faith.

My faith in God and my understanding how it might work will always be different from yours because of my life, faith and church experiences. This is important to remember, but scary for people of faith to implement.

We all see the truths of life and thus our faith through the lenses of our lifes experiences. Even within my Christian faith, men and women, and different cultures and even regions of our Country for that matter interpret scripture differently according to their lifes experiences.

As a parent this is something that I must consciously consider. My children and especially my daughters will associate the  charactoristics  of God in the way I have conveyed love, security and self-esteem into them.

And I shake in fear at the thought? God have mercy!

Just because someone was raised in a church, temple or synagage or a "traditional Christian home" sadly doesn't mean that they saw or experienced the true love and grace of God. We can grow up in a Church or Christian home and unfortunately not know God at all, or perhaps we know a very distorted, or God forbid, morbid version of Him.

Unfortunately, people are often offered a very confusing model of faith. It isn't a firm foundation after all, but like a home improperly built or falling apart it must be torn down to its very foundation. Then after the foundation is found secure we can begin building solid walls, rooms and roof.

That is what I am constantly trying to do in my life and that of my family, build our faith well!

I believe that God will have so much understanding and Grace for His children. He knows us, knows our hearts and knows our histories. And who amongst us gets it right?


A God whom we could understand exhaustively, and whose revelation of Himself confronted us with no mysteries whatsoever, would be a God in man's image, and therefore an imaginary God, not the God of the Bible at all.


-J.I. Packer

Friday, February 20, 2015

Most Everything Turns to Sh!t...(Rejoice, Rejoice, Rejoice!)

I had one of those mornings with the kids today. They seemed to be conspiring against me as we couldn't find a matching pair of shoes, jackets grew legs and walked away and apparently the breakfast cereal was too soggy to eat. They were dragging there little feet to get ready for school and now we were running late! As a result some things were said on both ends in the heat of battle that we all quickly hated and regretted. 

Those mornings always hang a cloud of regret, sorrow and failure over the start of the day.

However, after finally getting my little "angels" safely to their destinations I now had the morning to myself. So I took a deep breath, exhaled and headed downtown for some coffee, quiet and regrouping.

My hometown has become the rehab capital of the U.S. if not the world. It definitely comes with its critics, obviously it is not something that is openly embraced or advertised on the City of Commerce web page. 

As I walk downtown I pass the "rehab kids" who scamper to and fro heading to their various recovery meetings, or who are simply passing the time smoking cigarettes trying their best to stay out of trouble.

I can't help but feel for them. So young and yet so much baggage already. I can't help but think of the families, the parents and the friendships laid to waste by the destructive power of addiction. I cannot even imagine having lost so much at such a young age, to have inflicted so much hurt on those you love and also to have suffered themselves at the hands of their sickness and disease.

The rehabs and the "recovery kids" are something that many don't want to see littering and loitering the streets of our fine city. I get that, sometimes I echo that, but man, to be one of these kids facing what they have to face, it is heartbreaking.

As I continue down the block I stop at a newspaper stand and read the front page headlines as is part of my routine. I don't have to read much further than the headline that reads "ISIS beheaded 21 Egyptian Christians" to walk away shaking my head wondering how sick and twisted this world is. Sadly this isn't anything new, since Cain brutally killed his brother in a fit of jealousy and rage humankind has found different ways to be evil and then inflict their sickness on others.

And evidence of tragedy and evil hits home as I draw closer to my destination. A memorial filled with flowers, stuffed animals and cards of grief, condolences and thankfulness surrounds a temporary sign that pleads "Pray for Kayla" at a street corner of the county courthouse. A few weeks prior the news hit our little community that one of our own, 26-year-old Kayla Mueller had been held hostage by the Islamic State for over a year and now was feared dead. The city and nation held its collective breath, hoping and praying for some kind of miracle, some hint of good news. 

Sadly days later it was confirmed that Layla was killed, that evil indeed had prevailed again, even if only for a moment. Because the truth is that evil and death can do very little to dim such a bright light that Kayla shined and left behind.

With all the mornings events bombarding my thoughts, I finally arrived at my destination. However coffee didn't sound as satisfying anymore and I was in no mood for reading, writing or anything else. What hope can be gleaned from a morning like this? From a world like this?

The generic Christian answer that "one day this will all be over, and there will be no more tears, pain, suffering or death" does little in the moment does it? Sure this IS everything, it IS the answer, but it is also hard to rejoice at the future relief of pain at the beginning of a root canal.

What solace can be taken in a world gone mad?

And somehow it came to me and I am not entirely sure if it makes sense and it defiantly doesn't make all the hurt better for the families of the 21 martyrs or Kayla's family, or even the "rehab kids" trying not to become a sad statistic of drug addiction.

What I take from this is that we are ALL victims of this fallen world, we all suffer, hurt and struggle (unfortunately some more than others). 

The reason we shed tears for strangers we have never met and why memorials overflow with flowers from strangers is because we can empathize with the pain. Perhaps our suffering and sadness doesn't seem as dark or deep but it hurts just the same. I can look in the eyes of the "rehab kid" and not know his particular struggle, but I know the equivalent of his pain.

And we don't have to compare stories, or rate who suffered more. The point is we have. We have hurts, pains and heartbreak. Sure, one day that will all be gone and there will be healing and forgiveness and reunion with those we love, but for the here and now we share in this mess!

Humanity shares In each others pain, because we know it, and as much as we don't like it, it brings us together to share in it.

We don't have to suffer alone. Sure we can choose to, but that is a decision not to live, or at least live life, or each day or each moment to its fullest.

My morning wasn't great, but in the grand scheme of things it wasn't the worst either. Regardless, I have to regroup, forgive and push on, because this mess isn't unique to only me.

Life is a mess, but as Kayla Mueller saw it, God is in the mess with us.

I find God in the suffering eyes reflected in mine. If this is how You are revealed to me, this is how I will forever seek You.”
— Kayla Mueller, 2011
"For the more we suffer and endure hardships, the more God will shower us with His comfort."
-The Apostle Paul 2 Corinthians 1:5
Please take the time to read this Washington Post article about the inspiring life of Kayla Mueller!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/remembering-the-remarkable-kayla-mueller/2015/02/13/2fe2377c-b382-11e4-886b-c22184f27c35_story.html




Thursday, February 5, 2015

The Fall of Humankind (and rise, then fall again...rise...nope, fall!)

As I get older I find myself consistantly dealing with my demons more and more often. For a time it was mostly innocent stuff like being more conscious of what I eat and getting some excercise in an effort to fight back against my ever changing and expanding midsection. So I cut back on my coffee intake (I have since regressed), stopped drinking soft drinks (regress here and there) and tried to avoid fast foods as much as possible (FUDGE!).

And although I admit I can and do curse up a storm in my head when frustrated or angry, I really do try to portray a cleaner cut, PG version of myself on the outside. Now I am not judging anyone else out there, I actually believe a well placed F-word or G-dammit can serve a purpose, make a point and be downright hilarious if well timed, but I try to refrain myself.

Something else about myself (since we are on the subject) is that I am a bit of am introvert. For the most part I am the quiet type who when in a crowd sits back, listens alot and anylyzes people, situations and conversations. Sure, I have my moments when I come out of my shell "guns ablazing" and "kill it" with my biting humor or an edge of your seat story, but for the most part I like to sit back quietly and figure you all out! (Scary huh?)

As the "quiet, mysterious guy" I have come to understand how that can be perceived to people that don't really know me. Yeah, you know what I mean, the first impression of people of my ilk is that we are, if not completely homocidal, in the very least are stuck up and arrogant....basically an a-hole! So I consciously and sometimes painfully have to force myself to be the proactive person in social settings, going out of my way to shake hands and make conversation while trying not to look like a stick in the mud.

So what I guess i am trying to tell you is that I am a real SAINT!

I hear your praises and I love them! Sure, on the outside I humbly play off the compliments and act like I am nobody special (because that is what the BEST of the saints do), however on the inside I am feeling so good about myself! I allow myself a moment to look around at the rest of you with your really ugly issues, that the rest of us talk about when you are not around (only because we are really concerned about you, not because we are judgmental or gossiping at all!) and I feel even that much better about myself!

But then reality punches me in the gut!

While doubled over in pain and grasping for air, the deep, dark stuff emerges from the muck that is hidden inside. The crude that I know is there, but yet I pretend I got a handle on, or have dealt with seeps up to the surface.

You find yourself getting older like I have and you have the opportunity to do some really stupid things. Things that wreck the false pretenses you want to believe about yourself, or at least want others to believe anyways.

If only caffeine intake, curse words and my quirky personality were my darkest demons!

Sometimes I pray, and not as much as I should honestly. But as I get to know myself better and uncover more of my flaws, you better believe I pray! The only hope for me, to be honest, is that I get some heaveny help! I can't hope to accomplish anything impacting or life-changing on my own, I need the grace of God more than I can ever imagine!

What I pray for the most is that my kids will grow up okay having to deal with my dysfunction. I plead for Gods grace to protect them when I say something really stupid in frustration, or when I handle some situation completely the opposite of what the child rearing books teach you to, or when I worry more about the current state of a disastrously filthy house (probably exaggerating) than reading to them, listening to them or throwing them a ball around.

Sure I am a good parent, but I am also a bad one all at the same time! So I pray that God will have mercy on their souls because of me!

I know you think I am being far too hard on myself (I am a Saint after all!), but I am pretty sure that this is pretty normal parent thing to do. Most, if not all parents have got to think that they are also terrible parents while they deal with these same concerns, questions and doubts. If not, than I am worse off than I originally thought!

Now I trully and honesty believe that you have to embrace your mistakes and failures in an effort to learn from them, and in that process you will find yourself being strengthened by them. I mean honestly, yeah it stinks, it hurts and it can be depressing for a few days, weeks or even months, but you gotta deal with the things that pain you the most. Because those issues, faults and failures don't just hurt you but they also hurt those you care about and love the most.

Some of the ugliest people I have ever met in my life are those who don't do this, who refuse to take responsibility for their junk and who won't take stock of their life and their subsequent issues. As a result, they remain stagnate, and there is no possible way for them to grow into a stronger, or at least slightly better person. They can lie to themselves and exaust themselves playing the games that might fool others, but in the end they will always be the same person underneath. And who wants to stay the same? Who doesn't wish they could improve themselves, evolve and grow up!

Because although I mostly joked at the begining about wanting to look like a saint, nobody wants to be around someone like that. What we want is honesty. We want people we can relate to, people who treat us with understanding when we are transparent about our own failures and who won't turn around and judge us for them.

You get older, you start to see wrinkles and gray hairs but those things are the least of your worries, the least of mine anyways, because I got stuff! I have issues, but I am dealing with them and it is making me a better person. Perhaps not a saint, but someone I can stand growing old with anyways!