Selfishness that benefits me

As Abraham drew near to Egypt, he said to his wife, Sarai, “Look. We both know that you’re a beautiful woman. When the Egyptians see you they’re going to say, ‘Aha! That’s his wife!’ and kill me...Do me a favor: tell them you’re my sister. Because of you, they’ll welcome me and let me live.” When Abram arrived in Egypt, the Egyptians took one look and saw that his wife was stunningly beautiful...She was taken to live with Pharaoh. Because of her, Abram got along very well: he accumulated sheep and cattle, male and female donkeys, men and women servants, and camels.

Genesis 12:10‭-‬17 MSG

There is so much happening here in this story!

Perhaps overwhelmed by the fears and the potential dangers of being in a new city,  Abraham fabricates a story to tell his new neighbors that His wife is actually his sister. Thus, Sarai being as beautiful as she is, is brought to the palace to live with Pharaoh.

Abraham willingly traded the dignity of his marriage (furthermore the dignity of his wife), possibly placing his wife in harms way and put his very marriage in jeopardy for the sake of his own safety, wealth, comfort and positive social status.

He selfishly used Sarai in an act of self preservation and consequently he accumulated riches and fame in return.

Perhaps he truly did this out of fear and survival in the very beginning, however as the wealth started pouring in it must have gotten easier for him to sleep at night. As time went on he could justify his lie and the compromising of his principles when surrounded by riches and comfort. When things are going well it makes it easier to tune out the nagging voice of our conscience.

And in a moment of self-evaluation (as I judge Abraham while looking down my nose at him) I have to be honest with myself and admit that at times I too have made concessions to my morals. That I have found ways to justify some of my actions and decisions that benefit me in a positive way. Especially when, like Abraham that means being safe, comfortable and accepted in the world that surrounds you.

Somehow through it all Abraham still becomes a "hero of the Faith", an iconic figure.

The actions of our predecessors in the faith are often so unspeakably despicable and selfish, yet if we are going to be honest with ourselves the same terms could be used to describe some of our "best moments" as well.

However awful and appalling the behavior, they are still moments that God somehow views as forgivable,  unfathomable as that may seem.

This is Grace! The undeserved favor of God!

Do you believe in Miracles?

“Abraham answered, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets to tell them the score. Let them listen to them.’

“‘I know, Father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but they’re not listening. If someone came back to them from the dead, they would change their ways.’“

Abraham replied, ‘If they won’t listen to Moses and the Prophets, they’re not going to be convinced by someone who rises from the dead.

Luke 16:29‭-‬31

Have you ever witnessed a miracle?

I am not talking about witnessing the birth of a child or an underdog sports team defying the odds to win a Championship, but a real miracle at the hands of the divine.

Or has God ever blessed you with a sign that undoubtedly proves of His  existance?

I have asked God for a sign plenty of times in my life (I think we all have). And I have pleaded for miracles or in the very least divine intervention at certain desperate moments.

When all else fails, "brake glass in case of emergancy" right?

Last year for instance I had a toothache causing me the most incredible pain I have ever felt. That day (along with taking WAY too many Ibuprofen) I begged God for a miracle.

And when my wife labored for over 24 hours with our first child, I desperately and helplessly gasped some of the most heartfelt, scared and real prayers I have ever prayed.

When sickness or impending death makes an unwelcome visit in the lives of our friends or family members prayers are offered up, often even by the most doubtful and faithless person.

The closest thing to a miracle or a glimpse of the divine I have ever experienced was in witnessing the slow, and yet peaceful and blessed  passing of my Grandfather, Edward Reeves. The doors between the worlds were being opened to allow my Grandfather in and I  felt a draft of its glory!

God is most often felt in our most broken, scared and helpless moments!

Now I have seen many answered prayers, although the skeptic within me will counter that things just broke the right way.

And people I know and trust claim they were healed of sickness and disease However, the added presents of medicine, doctor's and even hope plays a role in recovery thus clouding the results, so I don't always know how to respond to such claims.

I have also witnessed some weird things in Church services that some would call miracles, that merely left me scratching my head more perplexed than before.

I have heard people pray in unexplainable and mysterious languages not their own.

And strangers have approached me with wisdom into personal matters that they should have no way of knowing unless God whispered it to them himself.

I have witnessed healings or were they hoaxes?

I have seen people fall down involuntarily under the weight of Gods presences or perhaps they simply locked their knees.

All of these crazy, unexplained and often beautiful experiences I have observed or had myself, but no, I cannot say without a shadow of a doubt that it was God. Neither can I claim that I have witnessed a verified miracle or seen an undeniable sign of His handiwork.

We are evolved! We have science!

We can explain and reason away why certain incredible  things may have happened and we can discover the roots to all mysteries!

We can throw a bucket full of doubt on the fire of the miraculous and simply discount the acts of the supernatural. Like the above scripture says, even if God were to raise the dead we would find a reasonable explanation that excludes the hand of the divine.

We ask God for a sign of His existence and yet He is actively involved and intervening in our lives everyday, yet we fail to see or acknowledge it. Sadly the miracles that surround our lives daily become mundane. We allow the excitement of our first  love grow stale, we let sunsets fade without admiring its amazing beauty and we let the warm smiles and greetings from strangers go unnoticed.

My wife and I had the most incredible group of people come hang out at our house every week a few years ago. We called ourselves the Misfits because none of us really fit into the typical church setting. We had dinner,  laughed and cried together. But the highlight of every week was when we went around the circle challenging each other to name a place where we had seen God active in our life that  previous week. It forced us to be aware of God and look for him in even the most mundane moments. And sometimes we had to admit that we felt Gods absence, failing to recall Him in our lives at all.

When you make it a point to actively look for God there is a very real chance you will find Him. Maybe not in a measurable or tangible way, however often times in a small sign like a tatered relationship mended or new hope springing forth watered by encouragement from a friend. Sure, instances that can easily be explained away if you wish to, or perhaps it really was God.

Because God is there! And He is more concerned with our well-being, our day-to-day lives and our sh-- than we are!

The weight of responsibility on the irresponsible.

God spoke:

“Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature So they can be responsible for the fish in the sea, the birds in the air, the cattle, And, yes, Earth itself, and every animal that moves on the face of Earth.” God created human beings; he created them godlike, Reflecting God’s nature. He created them male and female. God blessed them: “Prosper! Reproduce! Fill Earth! Take charge! Be responsible.”

Genesis 1:26‭-‬28 MMSG

The most terrifying thing in the world is raising children!

The hard part is not just that they are so often helpless, messy, misguided and dangerously putting themselves in harms way on a consistent basis. The difficulty is knowing that every interaction with them, every time you haphazardly scream a correction, every time you forget to pick them up from school, every time you unknowingly give more attention to one over the other, is slowly molding an adult person.

In moments of clarity I shiver in fear that I am responsible for four future adults!

God have mercy on them!

And He does! And gracefully His mercy extends to me as well!

So outnumber, my wife and I often look at each other and say jokingly "what were we thinking?" Obviously we wouldn't trade one of them in. There are those rare moments when sunlight does break through the clouds and one of them will catch you by surprise and gift you with a hug, a handmade card of affection or perhaps just fifteen extra minutes of sleep. And that somehow makes it all worth it.

Having a child and becoming a parent means becoming responsible, whether you like it or not.

In the same vain God created us to be responsible for this earth, for everything in it! Responsible not only in how well we combat global warming or how great we are at separating our garbage into recyclables and actual trash, but we are accountable with how we interact with humanity as well.

Life is about relationships, about people and how we cultivate and care for those relationships and those people. The greatest and yet often most difficult investments I have made in my life is in other people. The times you bite your tongue to refrain from speaking and simply listen, the times you break through your own discomfort and give a sympathetic hug to someone in need of one, those times that you do something for someone else which actually costs you something.

I have to be honest, this whole idea of having some piece of accountability in my relationships and friendships with other people makes me uncomfortable. It is so much easier to avoid people, draw the shades and take care of my own comforts and concerns. When it comes right down to it my greatest struggle is selfishness, because I love myself much more than anyone or anything else.

However, what if we looked at those around us, our family, friends, coworkers and casual acquaintances and weighed how much influence and impact we actually do have in their lives? As painful and uncomfortable it is, what if we invested more in them for no other reason than their betterment and not just our own? We cannot grasp how meaningful, how powerful that could be.

The world is a better place because of such people. I see them every so often and they inspire me! The people who buy a cup of coffee for the stranger behind them in line, the person who stops to casually chat with that "weird" neighbor that everyone else tries so hard to avoid, the person who answers the phone against all their better judgement when that one "draining" friend calls because they know no one else will.

The truth is we benefit for our "sacrifices", for our investments in the lives of others. We grow, we learn, we stretch ourselves beyond what we ever thought we could withstand and we thus become someone a little bit better.

God said “Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature". We reflect God, in the very least we present a very small glimpse of Him when we put other peoples needs before our own.

If you want to know if there is a God, if you want to feel his presences in your life again or if you have as much doubt as you do faith then invest yourself in relationships, friendships and in people in general. It is at the heart of what Jesus did. He spent his precious time hanging out with humanity, simply sharing life with people in the mundane everyday and turning it into sacred moments.

God gave us everything on this earth, and thus made us answerable for it all! We only do it justice when we offer it right back to Him,  admitting that we do a horrendous job with it. We need supernatural guidance just to keep this world turning, just like our children need us to keep them alive!

The Fall of Humanity (God as a negligent parent?)

Then God planted a garden in Eden. The Tree-of-Life was in the middle of the garden, also the Tree-of-Knowledge-of-Good-and-Evil.

God commanded the Man, “You can eat from any tree in the garden, except from the Tree-of-Knowledge-of-Good-and-Evil. Don’t eat from it. The moment you eat from that tree, you’re dead.”

Genesis 2:8-9 and 2:16‭-‬17 The Message

During his act the actor and comedian Zach Galifianakis, in a serious and reflective tone, says:

"I like to read the bible in public places where people are watching me read it."

After a dramatic pause for affect he continues,

"and I like to murmur out to myself: 'Oh BULLS---!'

Some Christians might view such a statement as a slight, an insult or a subtle attack dripping in irreverence and sacrilege. However if we are going to be honest about the Bible, then we have to admit that there are so many cringe worthy moments that makes you want to put it down (or maybe throw it across the room in disgust) and simply walk away. It is honest and real and full of human beings acting out in all kinds of selfish, arrogant and disgusting ways.

We come to the story of a talking donkey or all of these adorable couples of the animal kingdom finding their way to the safety of a huge boat captained by a bearded "madman" and even if not audibly, we think to ourselves "no way! I am calling bulls--- on that!

It is okay! God understands and is compassionate and tolerant of our doubt, our questions and our flat out refusal to believe. It is a much healthier place to be, because it is honest, it is broken, it is messy and it is troublesome. 

And it didn't take me more than two chapters into the Bible to have one of these minor/major crisis of faith.

Forget the talking snake for a minute, honestly that is a discussion I could hardly care to have. 

A wise cracking snake you say? fine! No problem! I can reason with that somehow. 

What really rattled around in my brain for a few days was this whole "Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil" thing.

My question (perhaps "complaint" is a better word) is why is this "Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil" so accessible? Why is it not surrounded by thorns, or the fruit protected within some kind of coconut shell or better yet, the tree guarded by angels wielding swords with burning flames?

It is hard not to read Genesis 2 and not feel a bit of bitterness and distrust at God, feeling that we have been a part of some heartless experiment without our consent. That we are simply exhibit A in some kind of a sick test.

Who tests the legitamicy of their childrens love and obedience this way? This cannot be Gods intent can it? 

As a parent, or even if you are someone who is not, we all understand how easily children get their little hands into everything. You have seen childproof lids on cleaners and medicines right? These don't taste good! But for whatever reason leave it within the  reach of a child and they are trying everything within their power to get at what is inside and eat it!

Why the "Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil"?

Really all we can do is speculate, which only makes it more confounding and troubling.

I do believe that God gave his creation free will to choose for themselves whether to believe in Him or not, to have a relationship with Him and whether to love Him. He didn't create mindless drones but thoughtful, creative people able to think and act for themselves. He could have removed all obstacles, dangers and temptations but what would that make us? Would we be as beautiful, loving and forgiving, despite all of our fatal flaws?

We will never know for sure why God placed the "Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil" in the garden. Although I have my theories (weak as they are) and also my reservations and doubts, I have to trust that He had a good reason and that it somehow was for humanities best interests. Again we are only two chapters in, and it won't be the last time we question Gods intentions. 

Don't be afraid of calling "bulls---" on God, on faith and on the blessed words of the Bible. That is an honest, real faith. Remember that in their own ways so many heroes of the faith in the Bible had serious doubts, crisis of faith and wrestled with Gods plans, including Jesus himself.

Seeking truth and answers through gritted teeth (and sometimes curses), doubt and questioning only makes our faith sturdier, healthier and stronger.

So often in frustration I want to throw up my hands and yell "God, what are you doing?" You can call me naive, but I cling to the threads of faith that I have left hoping that this will all make sense one day. That God is working all things out for the good.

"When you set the table

And when you chose the scale

Did you write a riddle

That you knew they would fail?

Did you make them tremble

So they would tell the tale?

Did you push us when we fell?"

-David Bazan from the song "When we fell".

And so it begins!

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. -Genesis 1:1

It is what we all deep down yern for, to know the origins of life. To understand the great mysteries of how this universe was birthed and breathed in its first breaths. Throughout time all great thinkers have attempted to unlock these mysteries and likewise all religions have tried to explain it.

And here we find ourselves fortunate enough to have a book, the Bible, inspired by God himself that begins there, in the very beginning. In that place that wraps itself in all wonder and confusion and blessed secrets . The opportunity for the unexplained to be played out and the cloud of mystery to be lifted.

Or not.

Which is perfect really because like so much that follows it, most everything in the Bible is left to our imagination, interpretation and I hate to say it, faith.

How easy it would have been for God to clear this all up for humanity and explain it scientifically, literally and in-depth. To remove all doubt and prove once and for all His existence and His hand in ours. However, He never does and the Bible never does more than hint at an explanation. 

All we really know is that in the Beginning God was there. The rest we kinda have to trust Him on, which begs the question do we trust this God?

It is so frustrating because we are left to argue, wage war and divide religions and churches and families over the unknown instead of being awed by it and worshipping it.

We are left to fill in the blanks and explain the questions but as we do the answers become murkier.

The Christian church finds itself trying to prove the passages of the Bible, the creation story and even go as far as to defend God himself when He never did this for himself. Jesus had many chances to spell it all out for us but spoke in parables and let people infer for themselves who He really was.

Although it goes against everything in our "Google it" if you don't know it world, we need to allow space for the mysteries of God. We can't definitely prove the Biblical creation story and somehow God is okay with this because he never attempted to himself.

Could the answer be evolution? Okay!

Does it have something to do with the Big Bang? Fine!

Maybe intelligent design theory, old earth/ young earth creationism, or the countless other theories that weaves God and science together in the explanation of the universes creation? Great!

I am sorry, but I don't subscribe to any certain idea, theory or teaching on our humble beginnings. They are interesting, entertaining, thought provoking and fun to discuss and playfully argue about but I am not losing any sleep over it.

How about we let go of the fight, the impulse to try to prove all the truths that we only hold grains of sand in the way of answers on a vast seashore of questions. The argument, the "fight" and the lost sleep is really just a distraction from what is really important. We miss the meaningful things God wanted us to focus on by being obsessed with the things He really didn't feel was important enough to fill the Bible with.

That is what this journey is about...embracing the doubt and finding the truth. Discovering the things that really matter to God.

So whether you believe in God but especially if you don't, I encourage you to follow this blog this year. Through all the BS that we filter our interpretations of who God is through, my hope is that we will get true glimpses of who God really is. And we might just get lucky enough to find Him!

Who really knows God?

It is the New Year, time for resolutions, facing our demons and being honest about our "stuff". 

So in that vein of thought, I admit that one of my biggest faults is being a judgmental, hypocritical human being! I mean, I readily admit that I am a pretty good judge of people. For example, I know a person that I am going to like right away and likewise I can tell the person who I am going to loathe in just the first few minutes of meeting them.

That is the problem I guess.

I mean I have a lot of grace and empathy for people I do like, for people who are like me and who think similarly to me, however, those other despicable, ignorant people on the other hand, Aaugh!

Which makes liking or even tolerating people difficult especially during this past election season, or when having a discourse on political or social issues which are dear to my heart when they are on the opposite side of the discussion from me.

While we are on the subject, social media is evil right? It brings out the vile disgustingness in us in the very least!

Judging..we all do it right? We all quickly make our assumptions about people without really getting to know them or their story. It isn't always fair and it isn't always right but it is like a natural instinct to quickly label people and place them in their appropriate containers.

Sure, we need to be decerning in our interactions with people and take appropriate caution with people, but there is a difference between that and in unfairly making assumptions about them.

I know I need to be careful in assuming that because someone was raised a certain way, with certain beliefs, and ideals, that I know them. Also, that I can make conclusions about them and understand what and why they do what they do.

I see this happen when it comes to a persons faith and their convictions. Just because someones belief in God has a certian label or name we think we know them and their deeply personal, sacred faith.

My faith in God and my understanding how it might work will always be different from yours because of my life, faith and church experiences. This is important to remember, but scary for people of faith to implement.

We all see the truths of life and thus our faith through the lenses of our lifes experiences. Even within my Christian faith, men and women, and different cultures and even regions of our Country for that matter interpret scripture differently according to their lifes experiences.

As a parent this is something that I must consciously consider. My children and especially my daughters will associate the  charactoristics  of God in the way I have conveyed love, security and self-esteem into them.

And I shake in fear at the thought? God have mercy!

Just because someone was raised in a church, temple or synagage or a "traditional Christian home" sadly doesn't mean that they saw or experienced the true love and grace of God. We can grow up in a Church or Christian home and unfortunately not know God at all, or perhaps we know a very distorted, or God forbid, morbid version of Him.

Unfortunately, people are often offered a very confusing model of faith. It isn't a firm foundation after all, but like a home improperly built or falling apart it must be torn down to its very foundation. Then after the foundation is found secure we can begin building solid walls, rooms and roof.

That is what I am constantly trying to do in my life and that of my family, build our faith well!

I believe that God will have so much understanding and Grace for His children. He knows us, knows our hearts and knows our histories. And who amongst us gets it right?

A God whom we could understand exhaustively, and whose revelation of Himself confronted us with no mysteries whatsoever, would be a God in man's image, and therefore an imaginary God, not the God of the Bible at all.

-J.I. Packer

Most Everything Turns to Sh!t...(Rejoice, Rejoice, Rejoice!)

I had one of those mornings with the kids today. They seemed to be conspiring against me as we couldn't find a matching pair of shoes, jackets grew legs and walked away and apparently the breakfast cereal was too soggy to eat. They were dragging there little feet to get ready for school and now we were running late! As a result some things were said on both ends in the heat of battle that we all quickly hated and regretted. 

Those mornings always hang a cloud of regret, sorrow and failure over the start of the day.

However, after finally getting my little "angels" safely to their destinations I now had the morning to myself. So I took a deep breath, exhaled and headed downtown for some coffee, quiet and regrouping.

My hometown has become the rehab capital of the U.S. if not the world. It definitely comes with its critics, obviously it is not something that is openly embraced or advertised on the City of Commerce web page. 

As I walk downtown I pass the "rehab kids" who scamper to and fro heading to their various recovery meetings, or who are simply passing the time smoking cigarettes trying their best to stay out of trouble.

I can't help but feel for them. So young and yet so much baggage already. I can't help but think of the families, the parents and the friendships laid to waste by the destructive power of addiction. I cannot even imagine having lost so much at such a young age, to have inflicted so much hurt on those you love and also to have suffered themselves at the hands of their sickness and disease.

The rehabs and the "recovery kids" are something that many don't want to see littering and loitering the streets of our fine city. I get that, sometimes I echo that, but man, to be one of these kids facing what they have to face, it is heartbreaking.

As I continue down the block I stop at a newspaper stand and read the front page headlines as is part of my routine. I don't have to read much further than the headline that reads "ISIS beheaded 21 Egyptian Christians" to walk away shaking my head wondering how sick and twisted this world is. Sadly this isn't anything new, since Cain brutally killed his brother in a fit of jealousy and rage humankind has found different ways to be evil and then inflict their sickness on others.

And evidence of tragedy and evil hits home as I draw closer to my destination. A memorial filled with flowers, stuffed animals and cards of grief, condolences and thankfulness surrounds a temporary sign that pleads "Pray for Kayla" at a street corner of the county courthouse. A few weeks prior the news hit our little community that one of our own, 26-year-old Kayla Mueller had been held hostage by the Islamic State for over a year and now was feared dead. The city and nation held its collective breath, hoping and praying for some kind of miracle, some hint of good news. 

Sadly days later it was confirmed that Layla was killed, that evil indeed had prevailed again, even if only for a moment. Because the truth is that evil and death can do very little to dim such a bright light that Kayla shined and left behind.

With all the mornings events bombarding my thoughts, I finally arrived at my destination. However coffee didn't sound as satisfying anymore and I was in no mood for reading, writing or anything else. What hope can be gleaned from a morning like this? From a world like this?

The generic Christian answer that "one day this will all be over, and there will be no more tears, pain, suffering or death" does little in the moment does it? Sure this IS everything, it IS the answer, but it is also hard to rejoice at the future relief of pain at the beginning of a root canal.

What solace can be taken in a world gone mad?

And somehow it came to me and I am not entirely sure if it makes sense and it defiantly doesn't make all the hurt better for the families of the 21 martyrs or Kayla's family, or even the "rehab kids" trying not to become a sad statistic of drug addiction.

What I take from this is that we are ALL victims of this fallen world, we all suffer, hurt and struggle (unfortunately some more than others). 

The reason we shed tears for strangers we have never met and why memorials overflow with flowers from strangers is because we can empathize with the pain. Perhaps our suffering and sadness doesn't seem as dark or deep but it hurts just the same. I can look in the eyes of the "rehab kid" and not know his particular struggle, but I know the equivalent of his pain.

And we don't have to compare stories, or rate who suffered more. The point is we have. We have hurts, pains and heartbreak. Sure, one day that will all be gone and there will be healing and forgiveness and reunion with those we love, but for the here and now we share in this mess!

Humanity shares In each others pain, because we know it, and as much as we don't like it, it brings us together to share in it.

We don't have to suffer alone. Sure we can choose to, but that is a decision not to live, or at least live life, or each day or each moment to its fullest.

My morning wasn't great, but in the grand scheme of things it wasn't the worst either. Regardless, I have to regroup, forgive and push on, because this mess isn't unique to only me.

Life is a mess, but as Kayla Mueller saw it, God is in the mess with us.

“I find God in the suffering eyes reflected in mine. If this is how You are revealed to me, this is how I will forever seek You.”

— Kayla Mueller, 2011

"For the more we suffer and endure hardships, the more God will shower us with His comfort."

-The Apostle Paul 2 Corinthians 1:5

Please take the time to read this Washington Post article about the inspiring life of Kayla Mueller!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/remembering-the-remarkable-kayla-mueller/2015/02/13/2fe2377c-b382-11e4-886b-c22184f27c35_story.html