Who really knows God?

It is the New Year, time for resolutions, facing our demons and being honest about our "stuff". 

So in that vein of thought, I admit that one of my biggest faults is being a judgmental, hypocritical human being! I mean, I readily admit that I am a pretty good judge of people. For example, I know a person that I am going to like right away and likewise I can tell the person who I am going to loathe in just the first few minutes of meeting them.

That is the problem I guess.

I mean I have a lot of grace and empathy for people I do like, for people who are like me and who think similarly to me, however, those other despicable, ignorant people on the other hand, Aaugh!

Which makes liking or even tolerating people difficult especially during this past election season, or when having a discourse on political or social issues which are dear to my heart when they are on the opposite side of the discussion from me.

While we are on the subject, social media is evil right? It brings out the vile disgustingness in us in the very least!

Judging..we all do it right? We all quickly make our assumptions about people without really getting to know them or their story. It isn't always fair and it isn't always right but it is like a natural instinct to quickly label people and place them in their appropriate containers.

Sure, we need to be decerning in our interactions with people and take appropriate caution with people, but there is a difference between that and in unfairly making assumptions about them.

I know I need to be careful in assuming that because someone was raised a certain way, with certain beliefs, and ideals, that I know them. Also, that I can make conclusions about them and understand what and why they do what they do.

I see this happen when it comes to a persons faith and their convictions. Just because someones belief in God has a certian label or name we think we know them and their deeply personal, sacred faith.

My faith in God and my understanding how it might work will always be different from yours because of my life, faith and church experiences. This is important to remember, but scary for people of faith to implement.

We all see the truths of life and thus our faith through the lenses of our lifes experiences. Even within my Christian faith, men and women, and different cultures and even regions of our Country for that matter interpret scripture differently according to their lifes experiences.

As a parent this is something that I must consciously consider. My children and especially my daughters will associate the  charactoristics  of God in the way I have conveyed love, security and self-esteem into them.

And I shake in fear at the thought? God have mercy!

Just because someone was raised in a church, temple or synagage or a "traditional Christian home" sadly doesn't mean that they saw or experienced the true love and grace of God. We can grow up in a Church or Christian home and unfortunately not know God at all, or perhaps we know a very distorted, or God forbid, morbid version of Him.

Unfortunately, people are often offered a very confusing model of faith. It isn't a firm foundation after all, but like a home improperly built or falling apart it must be torn down to its very foundation. Then after the foundation is found secure we can begin building solid walls, rooms and roof.

That is what I am constantly trying to do in my life and that of my family, build our faith well!

I believe that God will have so much understanding and Grace for His children. He knows us, knows our hearts and knows our histories. And who amongst us gets it right?

A God whom we could understand exhaustively, and whose revelation of Himself confronted us with no mysteries whatsoever, would be a God in man's image, and therefore an imaginary God, not the God of the Bible at all.

-J.I. Packer

Most Everything Turns to Sh!t...(Rejoice, Rejoice, Rejoice!)

I had one of those mornings with the kids today. They seemed to be conspiring against me as we couldn't find a matching pair of shoes, jackets grew legs and walked away and apparently the breakfast cereal was too soggy to eat. They were dragging there little feet to get ready for school and now we were running late! As a result some things were said on both ends in the heat of battle that we all quickly hated and regretted. 

Those mornings always hang a cloud of regret, sorrow and failure over the start of the day.

However, after finally getting my little "angels" safely to their destinations I now had the morning to myself. So I took a deep breath, exhaled and headed downtown for some coffee, quiet and regrouping.

My hometown has become the rehab capital of the U.S. if not the world. It definitely comes with its critics, obviously it is not something that is openly embraced or advertised on the City of Commerce web page. 

As I walk downtown I pass the "rehab kids" who scamper to and fro heading to their various recovery meetings, or who are simply passing the time smoking cigarettes trying their best to stay out of trouble.

I can't help but feel for them. So young and yet so much baggage already. I can't help but think of the families, the parents and the friendships laid to waste by the destructive power of addiction. I cannot even imagine having lost so much at such a young age, to have inflicted so much hurt on those you love and also to have suffered themselves at the hands of their sickness and disease.

The rehabs and the "recovery kids" are something that many don't want to see littering and loitering the streets of our fine city. I get that, sometimes I echo that, but man, to be one of these kids facing what they have to face, it is heartbreaking.

As I continue down the block I stop at a newspaper stand and read the front page headlines as is part of my routine. I don't have to read much further than the headline that reads "ISIS beheaded 21 Egyptian Christians" to walk away shaking my head wondering how sick and twisted this world is. Sadly this isn't anything new, since Cain brutally killed his brother in a fit of jealousy and rage humankind has found different ways to be evil and then inflict their sickness on others.

And evidence of tragedy and evil hits home as I draw closer to my destination. A memorial filled with flowers, stuffed animals and cards of grief, condolences and thankfulness surrounds a temporary sign that pleads "Pray for Kayla" at a street corner of the county courthouse. A few weeks prior the news hit our little community that one of our own, 26-year-old Kayla Mueller had been held hostage by the Islamic State for over a year and now was feared dead. The city and nation held its collective breath, hoping and praying for some kind of miracle, some hint of good news. 

Sadly days later it was confirmed that Layla was killed, that evil indeed had prevailed again, even if only for a moment. Because the truth is that evil and death can do very little to dim such a bright light that Kayla shined and left behind.

With all the mornings events bombarding my thoughts, I finally arrived at my destination. However coffee didn't sound as satisfying anymore and I was in no mood for reading, writing or anything else. What hope can be gleaned from a morning like this? From a world like this?

The generic Christian answer that "one day this will all be over, and there will be no more tears, pain, suffering or death" does little in the moment does it? Sure this IS everything, it IS the answer, but it is also hard to rejoice at the future relief of pain at the beginning of a root canal.

What solace can be taken in a world gone mad?

And somehow it came to me and I am not entirely sure if it makes sense and it defiantly doesn't make all the hurt better for the families of the 21 martyrs or Kayla's family, or even the "rehab kids" trying not to become a sad statistic of drug addiction.

What I take from this is that we are ALL victims of this fallen world, we all suffer, hurt and struggle (unfortunately some more than others). 

The reason we shed tears for strangers we have never met and why memorials overflow with flowers from strangers is because we can empathize with the pain. Perhaps our suffering and sadness doesn't seem as dark or deep but it hurts just the same. I can look in the eyes of the "rehab kid" and not know his particular struggle, but I know the equivalent of his pain.

And we don't have to compare stories, or rate who suffered more. The point is we have. We have hurts, pains and heartbreak. Sure, one day that will all be gone and there will be healing and forgiveness and reunion with those we love, but for the here and now we share in this mess!

Humanity shares In each others pain, because we know it, and as much as we don't like it, it brings us together to share in it.

We don't have to suffer alone. Sure we can choose to, but that is a decision not to live, or at least live life, or each day or each moment to its fullest.

My morning wasn't great, but in the grand scheme of things it wasn't the worst either. Regardless, I have to regroup, forgive and push on, because this mess isn't unique to only me.

Life is a mess, but as Kayla Mueller saw it, God is in the mess with us.

“I find God in the suffering eyes reflected in mine. If this is how You are revealed to me, this is how I will forever seek You.”

— Kayla Mueller, 2011

"For the more we suffer and endure hardships, the more God will shower us with His comfort."

-The Apostle Paul 2 Corinthians 1:5

Please take the time to read this Washington Post article about the inspiring life of Kayla Mueller!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/remembering-the-remarkable-kayla-mueller/2015/02/13/2fe2377c-b382-11e4-886b-c22184f27c35_story.html

The Fall of Humankind (and rise, then fall again...rise...nope, fall!)

As I get older I find myself consistantly dealing with my demons more and more often. For a time it was mostly innocent stuff like being more conscious of what I eat and getting some excercise in an effort to fight back against my ever changing and expanding midsection. So I cut back on my coffee intake (I have since regressed), stopped drinking soft drinks (regress here and there) and tried to avoid fast foods as much as possible (FUDGE!).

And although I admit I can and do curse up a storm in my head when frustrated or angry, I really do try to portray a cleaner cut, PG version of myself on the outside. Now I am not judging anyone else out there, I actually believe a well placed F-word or G-dammit can serve a purpose, make a point and be downright hilarious if well timed, but I try to refrain myself.

Something else about myself (since we are on the subject) is that I am a bit of am introvert. For the most part I am the quiet type who when in a crowd sits back, listens alot and anylyzes people, situations and conversations. Sure, I have my moments when I come out of my shell "guns ablazing" and "kill it" with my biting humor or an edge of your seat story, but for the most part I like to sit back quietly and figure you all out! (Scary huh?)

As the "quiet, mysterious guy" I have come to understand how that can be perceived to people that don't really know me. Yeah, you know what I mean, the first impression of people of my ilk is that we are, if not completely homocidal, in the very least are stuck up and arrogant....basically an a-hole! So I consciously and sometimes painfully have to force myself to be the proactive person in social settings, going out of my way to shake hands and make conversation while trying not to look like a stick in the mud.

So what I guess i am trying to tell you is that I am a real SAINT!

I hear your praises and I love them! Sure, on the outside I humbly play off the compliments and act like I am nobody special (because that is what the BEST of the saints do), however on the inside I am feeling so good about myself! I allow myself a moment to look around at the rest of you with your really ugly issues, that the rest of us talk about when you are not around (only because we are really concerned about you, not because we are judgmental or gossiping at all!) and I feel even that much better about myself!

But then reality punches me in the gut!

While doubled over in pain and grasping for air, the deep, dark stuff emerges from the muck that is hidden inside. The crude that I know is there, but yet I pretend I got a handle on, or have dealt with seeps up to the surface.

You find yourself getting older like I have and you have the opportunity to do some really stupid things. Things that wreck the false pretenses you want to believe about yourself, or at least want others to believe anyways.

If only caffeine intake, curse words and my quirky personality were my darkest demons!

Sometimes I pray, and not as much as I should honestly. But as I get to know myself better and uncover more of my flaws, you better believe I pray! The only hope for me, to be honest, is that I get some heaveny help! I can't hope to accomplish anything impacting or life-changing on my own, I need the grace of God more than I can ever imagine!

What I pray for the most is that my kids will grow up okay having to deal with my dysfunction. I plead for Gods grace to protect them when I say something really stupid in frustration, or when I handle some situation completely the opposite of what the child rearing books teach you to, or when I worry more about the current state of a disastrously filthy house (probably exaggerating) than reading to them, listening to them or throwing them a ball around.

Sure I am a good parent, but I am also a bad one all at the same time! So I pray that God will have mercy on their souls because of me!

I know you think I am being far too hard on myself (I am a Saint after all!), but I am pretty sure that this is pretty normal parent thing to do. Most, if not all parents have got to think that they are also terrible parents while they deal with these same concerns, questions and doubts. If not, than I am worse off than I originally thought!

Now I trully and honesty believe that you have to embrace your mistakes and failures in an effort to learn from them, and in that process you will find yourself being strengthened by them. I mean honestly, yeah it stinks, it hurts and it can be depressing for a few days, weeks or even months, but you gotta deal with the things that pain you the most. Because those issues, faults and failures don't just hurt you but they also hurt those you care about and love the most.

Some of the ugliest people I have ever met in my life are those who don't do this, who refuse to take responsibility for their junk and who won't take stock of their life and their subsequent issues. As a result, they remain stagnate, and there is no possible way for them to grow into a stronger, or at least slightly better person. They can lie to themselves and exaust themselves playing the games that might fool others, but in the end they will always be the same person underneath. And who wants to stay the same? Who doesn't wish they could improve themselves, evolve and grow up!

Because although I mostly joked at the begining about wanting to look like a saint, nobody wants to be around someone like that. What we want is honesty. We want people we can relate to, people who treat us with understanding when we are transparent about our own failures and who won't turn around and judge us for them.

You get older, you start to see wrinkles and gray hairs but those things are the least of your worries, the least of mine anyways, because I got stuff! I have issues, but I am dealing with them and it is making me a better person. Perhaps not a saint, but someone I can stand growing old with anyways!

Priceless Lessons from Worthless Things

I met inspiration the other day. I met inspiration thanks to a broken down old lawn mower that I had listed on Craigslist on the outside chance that someone might give me enough for it to buy a cup of coffee or in the very least in hopes I might get it out of the yard. In my natural salesman like genious I tagged the ad with an optimistic “great for someone who knows how to fix an engine!”

And that is how I ended up getting a call from Don the following morning inquiring about the mower. “Is it still available?” he asked with hope in his voice. now, obviously people hadn’t begun lining up yet at the chance to snatch up the mower that had probably been collecting dirt in the backyard for years while the sun did its best to crack and fade the color of every plastic part. So I was happy to inform him that "yes it is still here!"

I liked Don right away over the phone. It was a brief conversation, littered from his end with phrases like “right on, man!” and “cool, no problem!” He spoke with a lot of energy and life, especially considering our conversation revolved around what I considered an afterthought of an old, useless mower. From his voice alone I imagined Don to be a fifty-year-old free spirited type, most likely an seasoned surfer or an aging musician.

The cloud of black and gray smoke had barely cleared the area from my test start-up attempt on the mostly lifeless mower when Don pulled into the driveway. As I coughed to clear my lungs from smoke, I watched as he slowly stumbled out of his Toyota 4-Runner, barely straightening up from a seated position as he began moving in my direction, dragging one foot behind him and holding  the other crooked and gnarled like an old tree branch by his side. He apologized from a distance at his sluggish trek, casually and without a hint of embarressment chalking it up to the two strokes he had suffered in the past few years.

Despite his uncooperative body, Don spoke with so much life and passion like he had earlier on the phone, that it almost completely compensated for his nearly lifeless right side of his body.  He radiated such an enthusiasm for even the most mundane details which allowed no room for feeling sorry for him, although you might (like I did), feel a bit guilty and subconscious of your own self-pity, laziness or pessimism in his presences.

Don looked down at the mower, quickly dismissing my offer to start it up for him, taking me at my word that it does indeed start as he handed me a $20 bill with his good hand. He then preceeded to go right into his story as if he somehow owed me an explanation, although the level of intrigue was probably clearly seen in my face. He explained  to me that working on lawn mower engines was a hobby of his to keep himself busy, to keep himself functioning, useful and in the very least to simply keep himself sane after his strokes. He said “I might fumble trying to line up a bolt all day long, but in the end I have a great feeling of accomplishment when I finish one of these!” nodding towards the mower. He explained that it was either this or sitting on the couch watching television and feeling sorry for himself while he simply waited to die. Knowing Don as well as I did in those five minutes I knew he could never let that happen! He has too much life, too much optimism, too much resolve to fade away like that.

And so rescuing lawn mowers from garages, sheds and overgrown back yards gives Don an incredibly lifegiving purpose, and in turn he slowly resurrects those old, forgotten machines and gives them a second chance at life as well.

One of the things I really became aware of from this whole experience was how we spend so much time and energy, sweat and tears in life grasping for, seeking to understand and finally accomplish some sort of great purpose, reason for being, or legacy.  And it must be something great, something noble, something impactful that fuels our march through life. Sure, we can point to our family, children, spouses, friends and careers as proof of our greatest accomplishments and rightly so, but often that isn't enough and we selfishly long for more still unfulfilled.

And then there is Don who finds treasure in other peoples trash. Someone who sees victory in lining up a few bolts, screwing in a spark plug and finally starting up that old engine made new again.

I feel like I got so much more than a few bucks for a cup of coffee, but that I got some deep and impactful lessons that are relevant to my life! And when you meet someone like Don who drops such gifts into your life, you are wise to unwrap them and meditate upon them!

Status Update

It is a tumultuous time we live in. Our Nation is embroiled in gun, marriage and reproductive rights debates and battles. We still face racial prejuidice and inequality as the events in Ferguson have so brightly shined a spotlight on issues that have been lurking in the shadows for years and exist in all facets of our society.

Good lord if I can’t have a cup of coffee in the morning and scroll through my Facebook feed or peruse my favorite news homepage without feeling bombarded with it all! Half of our Country is angry as hell about who is leading this Nation, half the country wants to “legalize it” and a good majority just want to see Tebow get a fair shot at quarterback or see if a certian team can win The Super Bowl with a properly inflated football.

We are torn apart and turned around in all different directions; most of the time unsure which end is up.

Our society is all about debating, scrutinizing, judging and most of all fervently disagreeing with one another. Every news program, reality television show and online forum attests to this truth. For each person who stands for something there is someone else who will stand against it. For instance, when I am out having coffee with a group of friends who may even agree on a certain subject there is always one or two people that can’t help playing the devil’s advocate just to keep the conversation “spicy”.

It can be fun, it can make us feel empowered, we can even learn something from it, but if conflict and disagreement is all we ever do than in the end all we really are is distracted. We are being distracted from the things that deep down really matter.

I admit that over the past few years I have been distracted myself and spent too much time being angry with certian politics, certian churches (Westboro Baptist) and a certain chicken sandwich franchise everyone was divided upon supporting. And every year I devote too much of my valuable time reading articles and box scores of my favorite baseball team from the North Side of Chicago (although I do consider it a long term investment).

We all have worries and wants, passions and perspectives, convictions and concerns. There are things that we all believe are worthy to stand for, fight for and we should. However, although some of these social and political issues are truly important I can’t help but believe that we often are caught in a kind of tunnel vision, so focused on the things we are passionate about and yet missing the point, the bigger picture.

Currently that means that many people are afraid that our right to bare arms to protect ourselves and keep the government honest is being threatened. Yet I have to wonder if our Government is remotely concerned with a population so preoccupied by social networking sites, television, smart phones and celebrity worship? The majority of America has no idea what is really going on because we are too busy playing Trivia Crack on their mobile device.

The Government already has us right where it wants us, distracted. We are like those videos on YouTube of people caught on surveillance video walking into bears (seriously?) or falling into fountains because they are so busy texting and not paying attention to where they are going.  

Others are concerned with the dangers of legalizing medical marijuana yet they don’t even question the fact that people are prescribed chemically created and engineered medications (from Pharmaceutical companies who line our politicians pockets with kickbacks) that have quickly become our nations most abused, dangerous and deadly drugs.

People rant and rave about our Nation’s health care system, as we stuff our faces with Big Macs, drink Carmel Macchiatos with extra syrup and allow our Gym memberships to lapse.

Everyone is concerned with Government spending and our Countries ever increasing debt and yet when it comes to our own personal finances we spend and borrow in excess without saving a dime while simultaneously botching our checkbooks and failing to even put together a budget.

Many people fight to protect traditional marriage from “alternative lifestyles” yet we do very little to strengthen or even protect the marriages we already have.

We complain about Government yet we don’t vote in local elections or even attend PTA meetings of the schools our children attend.

I witness all of this transpiring in society at large but sadly I see similarities of this happening within my faith and church as well.

It is no secret that the Church has fractured apart into so many little cliques and disgruntled family members throughout our cities and towns that we can hardly keep count. Sometimes it happens because of deep theological differences and sometimes it happens because someone made a negative comment about someone else’s homemade potato salad at the church potluck.

We fight incisively about who will get into heaven or if there even is a literal hell as people suffer and live in "hell" all around us every day

We squabble over correct interpretations and versions of the Bible that only serve to collect dust on shelves of believers anyways instead of being thankful people are inspired to read it no matter the language used.

We spend time and money on seminars, books and meetings so our churches can be more “hip” and “relevant”, while people who live outside the four-walls of church live every day with their own relevant concerns, hurts and needs.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying our convictions, feelings and beliefs are unimportant or even all wrong. However, we cannot allow ourselves to become stagnant or useless because we are paralyzed by a certain issue or concern. And that is my whole point here. So often we only get passionate about the headlines, the highlighted content, the Tweets, the juicy sound bites and we ignore the whole content of the story, the sources, the consequences

We see this every election year. Many people became so troubled, so focus on a handful of issues and political candidates while ignoring a world of more pressing ones. The world doesn't stop turning so we can focus all of our energies on politics and winning. People were still going hungry, wars still raged, marriages were falling apart and children were still abused.

We can’t allow ourselves to become like the futuristic people prophesied about in the Pixar movie WALL-E who lay around all day in a hover/wheel chair with computer screens in front of them and Slurpee’s in their cup holders. They were so overfed and distracted that they become a useless people that lacked the muscle tone to even stand up.

My challenge to us all (for sure myself included) is to branch out and broaden our horizons. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, mow your neighbor’s lawn or have a cup of coffee with a friend.

Read a book, watch a documentary or have a conversation with someone that challenges rather that validates your beliefs.

Say a prayer (instead of complain) for those who lead you whether it be a boss, a pastor or yes, even the President.

Speak life rather than death. SPEAK LIFE RATHER THAN DEATH!

Be optimistic…yeah, in this world we will have troubles, but if you’re someone who professes faith like I do than remember that Jesus took care of it so you don’t have too! All of our concerns, worries and fears accomplish NOTHING; put your hope in the one who accomplished everything!

Heck, take a picture of your kids, an awe-inspiring sunset or even the incredibly tantalizing food that has been placed in front of you and upload it via Twitter or Facebook every once in awhile. Then at the very least the rest of us will know that you are getting out of the house and doing something.

Most of all, as the Apostle Paul encouraged, “set your mind on things above!”