I Came to the chilling realization a few years ago that
everyone, I mean EVERYONE has a little bit of crazy in them. This thesis found
me mostly by accident as my wife was recounting with concern the reckless and
illogical adventures of a close friend of hers which eerily mirrored other
accounts regarding close friends and family members we had encountered over the
previous months. When she was finished with her account I blurted out as if in
surrender, “everyone is crazy!” I can’t be sure if it was a statement exactly
or if I was asking a question, however, as the words left my lips the truth of
it struck me. It was like an epiphany.
Obviously I don’t believe that everyone is loony bin,
straight jacket, certifiably insane. However, the truth is that every one of us
is a flawed human being with hang-ups, irrational behaviors and unique quarks
who could probably benefit from a few sessions with a licensed psychotherapist.
What separates us from simply being different
and perhaps a bit odd to full on crazy is that we live our lives in
denial of our imperfections while entertaining delusions of who we really are.
I give you the comb over and Karaoke as evidence.
Probably the sanest people are those whom you would actually
think had the most problems, for instance those in A.A and various recovery
programs, a person with some sort of mental health diagnoses they are
addressing or a married couple seeking counseling. The fact is that since they
are humbly seeking the help that they so desperately need suggests that these
folks have come to terms with their issues, their little slices of crazy.
This reminds me of one of my favorite stories Jesus told
about a Pharisee (think: religious elite) and a tax collector (think: smarmy
politician) who are both in the act of prayer. The Pharisee begins his prideful
prayer, “thank you Lord that I am not like this scumbag tax collector over
there…”, whereas the tax collector begs passionately and humbly while beating
his chest in anguish, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner!” Obviously, the tax
collector has come to grips with the reality of his situation, whereas the
Pharisee is living such a lie that he foolishly believes he can “pull one over”
on God. The crazy in this story is quite apparent.
Whether it is our continual horrid decisions and choices
that makes best friends and family members want to strangle us, our
self-absorption that sucks the life out of any and all attempts at normal
conversation or our inability to separate our emotional feelings from reality,
we put the people we love the most through hell!
What continues to fuel the madness within each one of us is
that our reality is the norm. And because every generation is raised by a
flawed generation before them, no matter how great mom and dad were, we are
destine to grow up with unresolved issues pertaining to that.
Sure, I knew that everyone makes mistakes and bad decisions,
but I never entertained the idea that all of us, even those I looked up to the
most may have some wiring crossed or a screw loose.
Yet the evidence was undeniable as I began to witness
marriages that I had hoped to emulate crumble to the ground, pastors who worked
tirelessly in the ministry which left little time for their own families and
heartbreaking fractures within my own family that left us with an empty chair
or two at the holiday dinner table. I began to see crazy everywhere I looked
within the safe and sane world I thought I knew.
Then a new fear began to materialize as these truths became
clear and I was forced to broach the next obvious question, “am I crazy too?”
We can rationalize our lives, decisions and actions all we
want but deep down we all know our weaknesses, our limits and our braking
point. This is the dark reality I had to face. There is a band called The Belle Brigades who have this
incredible song called “Losers” containing a somber warning that “there will
always be someone worse than you, sister don’t let it get to your head”. So
true! How easy it was for me to glance around and carefully select those I
wished to compare, evaluate and judge myself by. How unfair and dangerous this
was as well, it only feed my own delusions, my own crazy. In such cases we all
look pretty good as a world full of faulty people compare themselves with
others in similar straits.
What helped me come to grips with my own bit of craziness
was embracing the realization that “but for the grace of God go I”. Honestly
what makes any of us think that we are any better off than someone who has made
a mess of their life? Perhaps the only difference between you and me and
someone we know that has gone through an ugly divorce is that we are more
determined, stubborn or it’s a combination of faith and guilt that keeps us in
our marriage. The only difference between you and I and a friend with a
drinking problem is the drug of choice, they abuse drink while we eat, shop,
gossip or flirt to make ourselves feel better for a fleeting moment. The only difference between you and I and
someone sitting in a jail cell is that they got caught and we didn’t.
You see how it works? We have certain preconceived ideas and
judgments of others when we hear they got a DUI, a divorce or a prescription,
until it happens to you or someone close to you.
We are all flawed individuals and when we can finally come
to terms with that we can be better parents, spouses, friends and children. We
can have more grace and more patience for those who deserve it and when the
situation arises we can also be stern and uncompromising.
When I finally stopped trying to sell myself lies about who
I really was and came to terms with the mess that is me, only then did I know
how dependent I am on God and how hopeless I am without him. Many people feel
like they have to clean up their act and pay some kind of penance before they can
call out to God for help. The truth is that God is with us in the gutter.
Discovering my shortcomings and dealing with my issues is humbling and even
disconcerting but it is comforting to know that God hasn’t abandoned me.
Albert Einstein famously theorized the definition of insanity
as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
I am sick of banging my head against the wall with only a headache to show for
it aren’t you? It’s time we honestly take stock of our lives, our flaws and our
crazy. Perhaps it’s time to try another approach.
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