Most Everything Turns to Sh!t...(Rejoice, Rejoice, Rejoice!)

I had one of those mornings with the kids today. They seemed to be conspiring against me as we couldn't find a matching pair of shoes, jackets grew legs and walked away and apparently the breakfast cereal was too soggy to eat. They were dragging there little feet to get ready for school and now we were running late! As a result some things were said on both ends in the heat of battle that we all quickly hated and regretted. 

Those mornings always hang a cloud of regret, sorrow and failure over the start of the day.

However, after finally getting my little "angels" safely to their destinations I now had the morning to myself. So I took a deep breath, exhaled and headed downtown for some coffee, quiet and regrouping.

My hometown has become the rehab capital of the U.S. if not the world. It definitely comes with its critics, obviously it is not something that is openly embraced or advertised on the City of Commerce web page. 

As I walk downtown I pass the "rehab kids" who scamper to and fro heading to their various recovery meetings, or who are simply passing the time smoking cigarettes trying their best to stay out of trouble.

I can't help but feel for them. So young and yet so much baggage already. I can't help but think of the families, the parents and the friendships laid to waste by the destructive power of addiction. I cannot even imagine having lost so much at such a young age, to have inflicted so much hurt on those you love and also to have suffered themselves at the hands of their sickness and disease.

The rehabs and the "recovery kids" are something that many don't want to see littering and loitering the streets of our fine city. I get that, sometimes I echo that, but man, to be one of these kids facing what they have to face, it is heartbreaking.

As I continue down the block I stop at a newspaper stand and read the front page headlines as is part of my routine. I don't have to read much further than the headline that reads "ISIS beheaded 21 Egyptian Christians" to walk away shaking my head wondering how sick and twisted this world is. Sadly this isn't anything new, since Cain brutally killed his brother in a fit of jealousy and rage humankind has found different ways to be evil and then inflict their sickness on others.

And evidence of tragedy and evil hits home as I draw closer to my destination. A memorial filled with flowers, stuffed animals and cards of grief, condolences and thankfulness surrounds a temporary sign that pleads "Pray for Kayla" at a street corner of the county courthouse. A few weeks prior the news hit our little community that one of our own, 26-year-old Kayla Mueller had been held hostage by the Islamic State for over a year and now was feared dead. The city and nation held its collective breath, hoping and praying for some kind of miracle, some hint of good news. 

Sadly days later it was confirmed that Layla was killed, that evil indeed had prevailed again, even if only for a moment. Because the truth is that evil and death can do very little to dim such a bright light that Kayla shined and left behind.

With all the mornings events bombarding my thoughts, I finally arrived at my destination. However coffee didn't sound as satisfying anymore and I was in no mood for reading, writing or anything else. What hope can be gleaned from a morning like this? From a world like this?

The generic Christian answer that "one day this will all be over, and there will be no more tears, pain, suffering or death" does little in the moment does it? Sure this IS everything, it IS the answer, but it is also hard to rejoice at the future relief of pain at the beginning of a root canal.

What solace can be taken in a world gone mad?

And somehow it came to me and I am not entirely sure if it makes sense and it defiantly doesn't make all the hurt better for the families of the 21 martyrs or Kayla's family, or even the "rehab kids" trying not to become a sad statistic of drug addiction.

What I take from this is that we are ALL victims of this fallen world, we all suffer, hurt and struggle (unfortunately some more than others). 

The reason we shed tears for strangers we have never met and why memorials overflow with flowers from strangers is because we can empathize with the pain. Perhaps our suffering and sadness doesn't seem as dark or deep but it hurts just the same. I can look in the eyes of the "rehab kid" and not know his particular struggle, but I know the equivalent of his pain.

And we don't have to compare stories, or rate who suffered more. The point is we have. We have hurts, pains and heartbreak. Sure, one day that will all be gone and there will be healing and forgiveness and reunion with those we love, but for the here and now we share in this mess!

Humanity shares In each others pain, because we know it, and as much as we don't like it, it brings us together to share in it.

We don't have to suffer alone. Sure we can choose to, but that is a decision not to live, or at least live life, or each day or each moment to its fullest.

My morning wasn't great, but in the grand scheme of things it wasn't the worst either. Regardless, I have to regroup, forgive and push on, because this mess isn't unique to only me.

Life is a mess, but as Kayla Mueller saw it, God is in the mess with us.

“I find God in the suffering eyes reflected in mine. If this is how You are revealed to me, this is how I will forever seek You.”

— Kayla Mueller, 2011

"For the more we suffer and endure hardships, the more God will shower us with His comfort."

-The Apostle Paul 2 Corinthians 1:5

Please take the time to read this Washington Post article about the inspiring life of Kayla Mueller!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/remembering-the-remarkable-kayla-mueller/2015/02/13/2fe2377c-b382-11e4-886b-c22184f27c35_story.html

The Fall of Humankind (and rise, then fall again...rise...nope, fall!)

As I get older I find myself consistantly dealing with my demons more and more often. For a time it was mostly innocent stuff like being more conscious of what I eat and getting some excercise in an effort to fight back against my ever changing and expanding midsection. So I cut back on my coffee intake (I have since regressed), stopped drinking soft drinks (regress here and there) and tried to avoid fast foods as much as possible (FUDGE!).

And although I admit I can and do curse up a storm in my head when frustrated or angry, I really do try to portray a cleaner cut, PG version of myself on the outside. Now I am not judging anyone else out there, I actually believe a well placed F-word or G-dammit can serve a purpose, make a point and be downright hilarious if well timed, but I try to refrain myself.

Something else about myself (since we are on the subject) is that I am a bit of am introvert. For the most part I am the quiet type who when in a crowd sits back, listens alot and anylyzes people, situations and conversations. Sure, I have my moments when I come out of my shell "guns ablazing" and "kill it" with my biting humor or an edge of your seat story, but for the most part I like to sit back quietly and figure you all out! (Scary huh?)

As the "quiet, mysterious guy" I have come to understand how that can be perceived to people that don't really know me. Yeah, you know what I mean, the first impression of people of my ilk is that we are, if not completely homocidal, in the very least are stuck up and arrogant....basically an a-hole! So I consciously and sometimes painfully have to force myself to be the proactive person in social settings, going out of my way to shake hands and make conversation while trying not to look like a stick in the mud.

So what I guess i am trying to tell you is that I am a real SAINT!

I hear your praises and I love them! Sure, on the outside I humbly play off the compliments and act like I am nobody special (because that is what the BEST of the saints do), however on the inside I am feeling so good about myself! I allow myself a moment to look around at the rest of you with your really ugly issues, that the rest of us talk about when you are not around (only because we are really concerned about you, not because we are judgmental or gossiping at all!) and I feel even that much better about myself!

But then reality punches me in the gut!

While doubled over in pain and grasping for air, the deep, dark stuff emerges from the muck that is hidden inside. The crude that I know is there, but yet I pretend I got a handle on, or have dealt with seeps up to the surface.

You find yourself getting older like I have and you have the opportunity to do some really stupid things. Things that wreck the false pretenses you want to believe about yourself, or at least want others to believe anyways.

If only caffeine intake, curse words and my quirky personality were my darkest demons!

Sometimes I pray, and not as much as I should honestly. But as I get to know myself better and uncover more of my flaws, you better believe I pray! The only hope for me, to be honest, is that I get some heaveny help! I can't hope to accomplish anything impacting or life-changing on my own, I need the grace of God more than I can ever imagine!

What I pray for the most is that my kids will grow up okay having to deal with my dysfunction. I plead for Gods grace to protect them when I say something really stupid in frustration, or when I handle some situation completely the opposite of what the child rearing books teach you to, or when I worry more about the current state of a disastrously filthy house (probably exaggerating) than reading to them, listening to them or throwing them a ball around.

Sure I am a good parent, but I am also a bad one all at the same time! So I pray that God will have mercy on their souls because of me!

I know you think I am being far too hard on myself (I am a Saint after all!), but I am pretty sure that this is pretty normal parent thing to do. Most, if not all parents have got to think that they are also terrible parents while they deal with these same concerns, questions and doubts. If not, than I am worse off than I originally thought!

Now I trully and honesty believe that you have to embrace your mistakes and failures in an effort to learn from them, and in that process you will find yourself being strengthened by them. I mean honestly, yeah it stinks, it hurts and it can be depressing for a few days, weeks or even months, but you gotta deal with the things that pain you the most. Because those issues, faults and failures don't just hurt you but they also hurt those you care about and love the most.

Some of the ugliest people I have ever met in my life are those who don't do this, who refuse to take responsibility for their junk and who won't take stock of their life and their subsequent issues. As a result, they remain stagnate, and there is no possible way for them to grow into a stronger, or at least slightly better person. They can lie to themselves and exaust themselves playing the games that might fool others, but in the end they will always be the same person underneath. And who wants to stay the same? Who doesn't wish they could improve themselves, evolve and grow up!

Because although I mostly joked at the begining about wanting to look like a saint, nobody wants to be around someone like that. What we want is honesty. We want people we can relate to, people who treat us with understanding when we are transparent about our own failures and who won't turn around and judge us for them.

You get older, you start to see wrinkles and gray hairs but those things are the least of your worries, the least of mine anyways, because I got stuff! I have issues, but I am dealing with them and it is making me a better person. Perhaps not a saint, but someone I can stand growing old with anyways!

Priceless Lessons from Worthless Things

I met inspiration the other day. I met inspiration thanks to a broken down old lawn mower that I had listed on Craigslist on the outside chance that someone might give me enough for it to buy a cup of coffee or in the very least in hopes I might get it out of the yard. In my natural salesman like genious I tagged the ad with an optimistic “great for someone who knows how to fix an engine!”

And that is how I ended up getting a call from Don the following morning inquiring about the mower. “Is it still available?” he asked with hope in his voice. now, obviously people hadn’t begun lining up yet at the chance to snatch up the mower that had probably been collecting dirt in the backyard for years while the sun did its best to crack and fade the color of every plastic part. So I was happy to inform him that "yes it is still here!"

I liked Don right away over the phone. It was a brief conversation, littered from his end with phrases like “right on, man!” and “cool, no problem!” He spoke with a lot of energy and life, especially considering our conversation revolved around what I considered an afterthought of an old, useless mower. From his voice alone I imagined Don to be a fifty-year-old free spirited type, most likely an seasoned surfer or an aging musician.

The cloud of black and gray smoke had barely cleared the area from my test start-up attempt on the mostly lifeless mower when Don pulled into the driveway. As I coughed to clear my lungs from smoke, I watched as he slowly stumbled out of his Toyota 4-Runner, barely straightening up from a seated position as he began moving in my direction, dragging one foot behind him and holding  the other crooked and gnarled like an old tree branch by his side. He apologized from a distance at his sluggish trek, casually and without a hint of embarressment chalking it up to the two strokes he had suffered in the past few years.

Despite his uncooperative body, Don spoke with so much life and passion like he had earlier on the phone, that it almost completely compensated for his nearly lifeless right side of his body.  He radiated such an enthusiasm for even the most mundane details which allowed no room for feeling sorry for him, although you might (like I did), feel a bit guilty and subconscious of your own self-pity, laziness or pessimism in his presences.

Don looked down at the mower, quickly dismissing my offer to start it up for him, taking me at my word that it does indeed start as he handed me a $20 bill with his good hand. He then preceeded to go right into his story as if he somehow owed me an explanation, although the level of intrigue was probably clearly seen in my face. He explained  to me that working on lawn mower engines was a hobby of his to keep himself busy, to keep himself functioning, useful and in the very least to simply keep himself sane after his strokes. He said “I might fumble trying to line up a bolt all day long, but in the end I have a great feeling of accomplishment when I finish one of these!” nodding towards the mower. He explained that it was either this or sitting on the couch watching television and feeling sorry for himself while he simply waited to die. Knowing Don as well as I did in those five minutes I knew he could never let that happen! He has too much life, too much optimism, too much resolve to fade away like that.

And so rescuing lawn mowers from garages, sheds and overgrown back yards gives Don an incredibly lifegiving purpose, and in turn he slowly resurrects those old, forgotten machines and gives them a second chance at life as well.

One of the things I really became aware of from this whole experience was how we spend so much time and energy, sweat and tears in life grasping for, seeking to understand and finally accomplish some sort of great purpose, reason for being, or legacy.  And it must be something great, something noble, something impactful that fuels our march through life. Sure, we can point to our family, children, spouses, friends and careers as proof of our greatest accomplishments and rightly so, but often that isn't enough and we selfishly long for more still unfulfilled.

And then there is Don who finds treasure in other peoples trash. Someone who sees victory in lining up a few bolts, screwing in a spark plug and finally starting up that old engine made new again.

I feel like I got so much more than a few bucks for a cup of coffee, but that I got some deep and impactful lessons that are relevant to my life! And when you meet someone like Don who drops such gifts into your life, you are wise to unwrap them and meditate upon them!

Status Update

It is a tumultuous time we live in. Our Nation is embroiled in gun, marriage and reproductive rights debates and battles. We still face racial prejuidice and inequality as the events in Ferguson have so brightly shined a spotlight on issues that have been lurking in the shadows for years and exist in all facets of our society.

Good lord if I can’t have a cup of coffee in the morning and scroll through my Facebook feed or peruse my favorite news homepage without feeling bombarded with it all! Half of our Country is angry as hell about who is leading this Nation, half the country wants to “legalize it” and a good majority just want to see Tebow get a fair shot at quarterback or see if a certian team can win The Super Bowl with a properly inflated football.

We are torn apart and turned around in all different directions; most of the time unsure which end is up.

Our society is all about debating, scrutinizing, judging and most of all fervently disagreeing with one another. Every news program, reality television show and online forum attests to this truth. For each person who stands for something there is someone else who will stand against it. For instance, when I am out having coffee with a group of friends who may even agree on a certain subject there is always one or two people that can’t help playing the devil’s advocate just to keep the conversation “spicy”.

It can be fun, it can make us feel empowered, we can even learn something from it, but if conflict and disagreement is all we ever do than in the end all we really are is distracted. We are being distracted from the things that deep down really matter.

I admit that over the past few years I have been distracted myself and spent too much time being angry with certian politics, certian churches (Westboro Baptist) and a certain chicken sandwich franchise everyone was divided upon supporting. And every year I devote too much of my valuable time reading articles and box scores of my favorite baseball team from the North Side of Chicago (although I do consider it a long term investment).

We all have worries and wants, passions and perspectives, convictions and concerns. There are things that we all believe are worthy to stand for, fight for and we should. However, although some of these social and political issues are truly important I can’t help but believe that we often are caught in a kind of tunnel vision, so focused on the things we are passionate about and yet missing the point, the bigger picture.

Currently that means that many people are afraid that our right to bare arms to protect ourselves and keep the government honest is being threatened. Yet I have to wonder if our Government is remotely concerned with a population so preoccupied by social networking sites, television, smart phones and celebrity worship? The majority of America has no idea what is really going on because we are too busy playing Trivia Crack on their mobile device.

The Government already has us right where it wants us, distracted. We are like those videos on YouTube of people caught on surveillance video walking into bears (seriously?) or falling into fountains because they are so busy texting and not paying attention to where they are going.  

Others are concerned with the dangers of legalizing medical marijuana yet they don’t even question the fact that people are prescribed chemically created and engineered medications (from Pharmaceutical companies who line our politicians pockets with kickbacks) that have quickly become our nations most abused, dangerous and deadly drugs.

People rant and rave about our Nation’s health care system, as we stuff our faces with Big Macs, drink Carmel Macchiatos with extra syrup and allow our Gym memberships to lapse.

Everyone is concerned with Government spending and our Countries ever increasing debt and yet when it comes to our own personal finances we spend and borrow in excess without saving a dime while simultaneously botching our checkbooks and failing to even put together a budget.

Many people fight to protect traditional marriage from “alternative lifestyles” yet we do very little to strengthen or even protect the marriages we already have.

We complain about Government yet we don’t vote in local elections or even attend PTA meetings of the schools our children attend.

I witness all of this transpiring in society at large but sadly I see similarities of this happening within my faith and church as well.

It is no secret that the Church has fractured apart into so many little cliques and disgruntled family members throughout our cities and towns that we can hardly keep count. Sometimes it happens because of deep theological differences and sometimes it happens because someone made a negative comment about someone else’s homemade potato salad at the church potluck.

We fight incisively about who will get into heaven or if there even is a literal hell as people suffer and live in "hell" all around us every day

We squabble over correct interpretations and versions of the Bible that only serve to collect dust on shelves of believers anyways instead of being thankful people are inspired to read it no matter the language used.

We spend time and money on seminars, books and meetings so our churches can be more “hip” and “relevant”, while people who live outside the four-walls of church live every day with their own relevant concerns, hurts and needs.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying our convictions, feelings and beliefs are unimportant or even all wrong. However, we cannot allow ourselves to become stagnant or useless because we are paralyzed by a certain issue or concern. And that is my whole point here. So often we only get passionate about the headlines, the highlighted content, the Tweets, the juicy sound bites and we ignore the whole content of the story, the sources, the consequences

We see this every election year. Many people became so troubled, so focus on a handful of issues and political candidates while ignoring a world of more pressing ones. The world doesn't stop turning so we can focus all of our energies on politics and winning. People were still going hungry, wars still raged, marriages were falling apart and children were still abused.

We can’t allow ourselves to become like the futuristic people prophesied about in the Pixar movie WALL-E who lay around all day in a hover/wheel chair with computer screens in front of them and Slurpee’s in their cup holders. They were so overfed and distracted that they become a useless people that lacked the muscle tone to even stand up.

My challenge to us all (for sure myself included) is to branch out and broaden our horizons. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, mow your neighbor’s lawn or have a cup of coffee with a friend.

Read a book, watch a documentary or have a conversation with someone that challenges rather that validates your beliefs.

Say a prayer (instead of complain) for those who lead you whether it be a boss, a pastor or yes, even the President.

Speak life rather than death. SPEAK LIFE RATHER THAN DEATH!

Be optimistic…yeah, in this world we will have troubles, but if you’re someone who professes faith like I do than remember that Jesus took care of it so you don’t have too! All of our concerns, worries and fears accomplish NOTHING; put your hope in the one who accomplished everything!

Heck, take a picture of your kids, an awe-inspiring sunset or even the incredibly tantalizing food that has been placed in front of you and upload it via Twitter or Facebook every once in awhile. Then at the very least the rest of us will know that you are getting out of the house and doing something.

Most of all, as the Apostle Paul encouraged, “set your mind on things above!”

Those We Seak Not Of (Addressing the "gay debate" part II)

-As I declared in my previous post, Christianity finds itself in a time of great opportunity and responsibility to bless and minister to the gay and lesbian communities. I understand that the idea of allowing gays and lesbians into the church may be too controversial, uncomfortable and disruptive for many. It is urgent then that Christians personally step outside of the comfort and protection of those “four walls” and serve, love, listen, pray, comfort and make lasting friendships with gays, lesbians, bisexuals or transsexuals when their church cannot. If the gay community is unwelcome and uncomfortable in a church setting then we must take the church to them.  

                It’s no surprise that many Christians would be tentative, uncomfortable and furthermore ill equipped in responding to such an appeal. Christianity as a whole has for years presented mixed messages concerning how its members are to love their gay neighbors while remaining true to their morals and standards. We want to know what "loving the sinner, hating the sin" looks like and if it’s even practical or effective. To this day Christianity remains painfully slow in addressing this issue or presenting any clear direction for its followers who desire answers in responding to their Gay, Lesbian, Bi or Transgendered neighbors, co-workers, friends and families who stand before them right now!

 

                A good place to start if we wish to be sensitive and loving to gays and lesbians is to discontinue to believe, preach, teach or have anything to do with the idea that homosexuals are without morals, promiscuous, pedophiles and unfit to parent. The truth is that many Gays and lesbians do attend church, believe in God and have high moral standards. Some find themselves in committed long lasting relationships while others remain single or even choose a life of celibacy. Furthermore, gays and lesbians raise good kids and have healthy family lives. People have attached these negative characteristics to gays and lesbians to build their cases against them. If you can contend that Gay people are somehow “inhuman”, wildly immoral or dangerous it is easier to recruit people to your “side” of the argument. But the misinformation, lies and slander has only raised hostility, birthed hatred and caused widening division between the “sides”. Somehow the representatives of God’s unfailing love, redemption and grace find themselves on a “side” and we must make our way to the middle.        

            In our aim to be relevant to gays, lesbians and everyone else for that matter, we must practice the instruction of Jesus when he commanded us to “do to others as you would have them do to you”. If I wish to be treated with grace and mercy than I must extend it to others, if I am going to demand that I am respected and treated fairly than I must treat others likewise. If I want others to listen when I talk than I must give attention to their voice. How we want to be treated by others is how we must treat them now.

In addressing the idea of loving our neighbors, C.S. Lewis writes, “you have never talked to a mere mortal…next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses.” He goes on to present the idea that by loving and encouraging one another we are assisting each other to our full potentials as not only humans but eternal souls. Finally C.S. Lewis concludes, “it is in light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play and all politics.” We should live our lives with the perspective that each person, each eternal soul is precious to God and it is our responsibility to nurture and encourage one another.

            When I encounter someone who is gay or lesbian my heart goes out to them and I go out of my way to be kind, considerate and friendly. My wife, Sarah recently shared with me that she had similar feelings. She recounted an experience from when she worked in a dentist office in which some of the staff refused to assist a gay couple that had HIV. However, Sarah always enthusiastically volunteered to assist the dentist when this particular couple had an appointment. Sarah said she always went out of her way to be friendly and treat them with care and concern, going above and beyond for them because she knew that they probably weren’t always treated with such dignity and respect because of their sexuality and their disease. Like Tony Campolo wrote in Speaking My Mind, “We must find ways to present homosexuals with opportunities to have fulfilling, loving experiences so that we affirm their humanity and ensure their participation in the body of Christ.”

                The Biblical scriptures are full of such incredibly uplifting and hopeful passages concerning God sending his only Son to die for us, His compassion and grace, His goodness towards all of His creation, His offer of a life lived abundantly, rest for our souls and a hope that only comes from Him. These promises, these verses of hope, these passages of grace and love is God’s message to all people, including widows, the oppressed, the sinners, the alcoholics, straight, gay and lesbian of every race, color and background. There must be good news for homosexuals, because God also had them in mind when He inspired the scriptures.

Honestly the politics and debates concerning this whole issue are nauseating. I often wonder whether it is fair for us to expect the world around us to adhere to our biblical standards. Perhaps we can affect society more fruitfully when we focus on loving people unconditionally. David Kinnaman writes in “Unchristian”, “You change a country not merely by bolstering its laws but by transforming the hearts of its people”. We might win a proposition or Supreme Court decision, but at what cost? Are we willing to completely alienate an entire generation of people and lose their audience to win our moral battles? Maybe we need to reevaluate our focus and mission because although we might have the best of intentions, the world doesn’t perceive our actions out of an obligation of love. To be honest, we don’t always have the best interests of people at heart, what we have is our agendas. Sometimes we are more concerned with being right than we are with the feelings and the well-being of an eternal soul. 

            As Christians, everything we do should be motivated out of compassion for others. If we have any other motive, whether it is anger, hurt, self-righteousness, resentment or offense, than we should stay out of it. The world will see right through our empty actions if it is not executed out of compassion. 

Some Christians will argue that we will somehow be condoning the LGBT communities or that we are being too sympathetic by extending to them such grace. However, don’t they deserve to know and observe the message of Gods redemption and mercy? When we stand before God to be judged someday I don’t believe that He will condemn us because we extended too much grace, cared too much, was overly tolerant and excepting of others, excessively kind and loving. However, scripture is clear that we will be judged in the manner in which we judged others and we will be held accountable for withholding justice, blessing, forgiveness and love. I prefer to error on the side of loving too much.   

                Our obligation as Christians is to live out our faith in a way that represents the love and grace of God to the world. My hope for the gay and lesbian co-workers and friends in my life is that they will reflect back on their life someday and respond, “I have experienced prejudice, hate and struggle in my life not only from strangers but from my own family. However, this Christian has always loved me, been there for me and treated me with respect”. Shouldn’t we strive to leave such an imprint and impression on people’s hearts?  

It is my personal belief that the loudest message of the Christian church should always be love for God and love for others. Unfortunately the loudest message that Flagstaff has heard from the Christian church this year is that Christians don't like gays… What has not been heard or said as loudly, is that God is in love with them and has a desire to impart life that surpasses all that this world could ever offer…our message this year whether intentional or not has been one that rejects, not moral decisions, but individuals.

-Excerpt From my friend Kris Dohse’s blog, addressed to the local churches in his community who vocally and passionately supported an anti-gay marriage ballot proposition.

 

To Mend the Bridges or Burn Them Down (Addressing the Gay question. PART I)

I have brainstormed tirelessly trying to come up with some cute way to intro into this topic. Usually when I sit down to write I have already conceived some clever opening in which I can then build the whole essay around. However, this issue is too critical and pressing, there seems no painless way to ease into the subject matter. Its uncomfortable, controversial, and passionately debated, being as it is the “hot button” topic of our day. It is the LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bi and Transgender) people, community or lifestyle. When you throw faith into the equation, much like water and oil, cats and dogs, it seems an awkward and perhaps impossible mix. 

Can I be honest and say that I’m no expert on this topic. What follows is simply my opinions and insights gleaned from my experiences in life and faith, as well as from my friendships with gays and lesbians. All I can say for sure from my safe vantage point within the “four walls” of Christianity is that I feel uncomfortable by what I have witnessed so far in my life in regards to Christianity and its interaction with people from the LGBT community. I have heard so many sermons and read enough “religious” books and scripture to know how God feels about his creation, about justice, about mercy and grace and about treating our fellow human beings with respect. I believe that Christians have made numerous irreversible mistakes in relation to LGBT's. We have been ugly, hateful, vengeful, unmerciful, judgmental and unloving to the gay and lesbian communities. We have not represented the love and mercy of our God very well and for that I am sorry and I live my life in such a way as to make amends.  

As the nation continues to go to the polls to decide the fate of gay rights and as gay, lesbian and religious organizations draw up their battle plans, it’s easy to see that these issues are not going anywhere in the near future. I believe that Christianity finds itself in a place and time of great responsibility and opportunity to minister to the LGBT communities, however I am afraid that we are missing this incredible chance to represent the love and grace of God. I fear that many within Christianity are so focused on the cultural and political war being fought regarding “gay rights”, that we are alienating ourselves from people who deserve to be loved, respected and cared for whether we agree with their lifestyles or not. These are human beings who deserve to receive the same message of hope, redemption and forgiveness that I did. No one should be excluded from those opportunities, however I wonder if the “Vote Yes on Prop 102” signs that support banning same-sex marriage in front of our churches send them a different message.

If Christianity sincerely wishes to reach out to gays and lesbians than I believe that somehow the culture and mindset of the church and its believers will have to change. First of all, the doors of our churches must be open to all “seekers” without prejudice, expectation or judgment. It should be a safe and welcoming place where people who are foreign to the gospel and the Christian faith can “taste and see that the Lord is good”, experiencing a relationship with God at their own pace even if it take weeks, months or even years to come to faith.

As believers we need to exercise some patients towards those who are in a place of pondering questions about faith. There is this expectation that people should walk into the doors of the church and immediately make a decision whether they will accept or reject the whole “Christian package”. The whole idea that we can hold isolated “evangelistic services” that cater to outsiders and focuses on getting them saved, plugged into the church and turned from all their sins that very day is unrealistic. We have to allow space for God to reveal himself to them, while our responsibility is to patiently represent God to them with love, while assisting in nurturing their faith. In our fast paced, drive-thru, high-speed everything world, this can be challenging. But a true, enduring, mature faith takes time to cultivate.

Furthermore, I have noticed that the church often has an underlying, unspoken yet tangible sense that everyone who enters is guilty until proven innocent. The truth is that everyone is unworthy, everyone has fallen short, there is no one who is righteous, yet God patiently offers everyone His favor which we are criminally undeserving of. We must keep in mind that it is God’s spirit that convicts people of their sins and not our bullhorns, protest signs or political agendas. We need to trust God enough to do His job within the hearts and lives of people and not intervene impatiently or without love. Scripture shares an important insight into the Character of God as “patient with (us), not wishing that any should perish”. That will probably mean we are going to be a little uncomfortable at times as God deals with the real issues in people’s hearts and we are left to tolerate and witness their “symptoms”. David Kinniman writes in Unchristian, “If we allow the actions and attitudes of outsiders to shock us, we become either isolationists or crusaders, and neither extreme will have much influence on outsiders”. How true and yet tragic this statement is.

Scripture is full of brilliant, yet often ignored examples for us to follow. Take Romans 2:4 for instance; “do you show contempt for the riches of His kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?” When God deals with us He is kind, tolerant and patient. Unfortunately Christians do not often display these same characteristics in their interactions with others. God tolerates our transgressions and sins, and then we turn around and are offended by the sins of others. He is patient but we are “tired of wickedness of our generation”. He is kind, but we lash out in sarcasm, anger and disgust. As Christians God constantly extends to us His grace, mercy and forgiveness as we constantly lay ruin to any sign of righteousness we might have. God does this not only out of an unfathomable love for his creation, but also as an example for us to live by.

If we as Christians are serious about loving the gay community than I plead that we drop the insensitive jokes, the untruths, misinformation and the stereotypes about homosexuals. Well we are at it, if we feel a strong conviction to fight for traditional marriage than that is fine, but let’s come up with a better argument than claiming we are “protecting the sanctity of marriage” by attempting to bar same sex marriages. We heterosexuals have done a fine enough job destroying the sacredness of marriage, trampling on its sanctity with divorce and infidelity that is just as prevalent within the church than it is in the world of “heathens”.

I consider myself blessed to have grown up in the Christian faith and church. When I think of the church what comes to mind are second rate horror movies in which people who are chased by either monsters, zombies or knife wielding psychopaths who are attempting to “hack them to pieces”, narrowly escape to the refuge of some peaceful, gothic looking church. Perhaps a better example is the far too familiar scenes from CNN following terrible storms and hurricanes, in which displaced families huddled together in the safety of a churches holy sanctuary, which has become a Red Cross evacuation center.

Too often Christian people who have “come out” have quickly been shown the door or have been shunned in shame by their old friends who simply didn’t know how to respond. Something seems terribly wrong when people are sent packing from a supposed loving, caring, community of believers. As the church opens its doors to victims of natural disasters, I believe it should also open its doors to all people who are in need spiritually. What better place for people to be than in the house of a loving, caring God where redemption and healing take place.

TO BE CONTINUED... 


“Love covers over a multitude of sins”

1 Peter 4:8

 

“Christians are primarily perceived for what they stand against. We have become famous for what we oppose, rather than who we are for”.

David Kinniman

 

We All Kinds of Crazy!

I Came to the chilling realization a few years ago that everyone, I mean EVERYONE has a little bit of crazy in them. This thesis found me mostly by accident as my wife was recounting with concern the reckless and illogical adventures of a close friend of hers which eerily mirrored other accounts regarding close friends and family members we had encountered over the previous months. When she was finished with her account I blurted out as if in surrender, “everyone is crazy!” I can’t be sure if it was a statement exactly or if I was asking a question, however, as the words left my lips the truth of it struck me. It was like an epiphany. 

Obviously I don’t believe that everyone is loony bin, straight jacket, certifiably insane. However, the truth is that every one of us is a flawed human being with hang-ups, irrational behaviors and unique quarks who could probably benefit from a few sessions with a licensed psychotherapist. What separates us from simply being different  and perhaps a bit odd to full on crazy is that we live our lives in denial of our imperfections while entertaining delusions of who we really are. I give you the comb over and Karaoke as evidence.

Probably the sanest people are those whom you would actually think had the most problems, for instance those in A.A and various recovery programs, a person with some sort of mental health diagnoses they are addressing or a married couple seeking counseling. The fact is that since they are humbly seeking the help that they so desperately need suggests that these folks have come to terms with their issues, their little slices of crazy.

This reminds me of one of my favorite stories Jesus told about a Pharisee (think: religious elite) and a tax collector (think: smarmy politician) who are both in the act of prayer. The Pharisee begins his prideful prayer, “thank you Lord that I am not like this scumbag tax collector over there…”, whereas the tax collector begs passionately and humbly while beating his chest in anguish, “God, have mercy on me, a sinner!” Obviously, the tax collector has come to grips with the reality of his situation, whereas the Pharisee is living such a lie that he foolishly believes he can “pull one over” on God. The crazy in this story is quite apparent.

Whether it is our continual horrid decisions and choices that makes best friends and family members want to strangle us, our self-absorption that sucks the life out of any and all attempts at normal conversation or our inability to separate our emotional feelings from reality, we put the people we love the most through hell!

What continues to fuel the madness within each one of us is that our reality is the norm. And because every generation is raised by a flawed generation before them, no matter how great mom and dad were, we are destine to grow up with unresolved issues pertaining to that.

Sure, I knew that everyone makes mistakes and bad decisions, but I never entertained the idea that all of us, even those I looked up to the most may have some wiring crossed or a screw loose.

Yet the evidence was undeniable as I began to witness marriages that I had hoped to emulate crumble to the ground, pastors who worked tirelessly in the ministry which left little time for their own families and heartbreaking fractures within my own family that left us with an empty chair or two at the holiday dinner table. I began to see crazy everywhere I looked within the safe and sane world I thought I knew.  

Then a new fear began to materialize as these truths became clear and I was forced to broach the next obvious question, “am I crazy too?”

We can rationalize our lives, decisions and actions all we want but deep down we all know our weaknesses, our limits and our braking point. This is the dark reality I had to face. There is a band called The Belle Brigades who have this incredible song called “Losers” containing a somber warning that “there will always be someone worse than you, sister don’t let it get to your head”. So true! How easy it was for me to glance around and carefully select those I wished to compare, evaluate and judge myself by. How unfair and dangerous this was as well, it only feed my own delusions, my own crazy. In such cases we all look pretty good as a world full of faulty people compare themselves with others in similar straits.

What helped me come to grips with my own bit of craziness was embracing the realization that “but for the grace of God go I”. Honestly what makes any of us think that we are any better off than someone who has made a mess of their life? Perhaps the only difference between you and me and someone we know that has gone through an ugly divorce is that we are more determined, stubborn or it’s a combination of faith and guilt that keeps us in our marriage. The only difference between you and I and a friend with a drinking problem is the drug of choice, they abuse drink while we eat, shop, gossip or flirt to make ourselves feel better for a fleeting moment.  The only difference between you and I and someone sitting in a jail cell is that they got caught and we didn’t.

You see how it works? We have certain preconceived ideas and judgments of others when we hear they got a DUI, a divorce or a prescription, until it happens to you or someone close to you.

We are all flawed individuals and when we can finally come to terms with that we can be better parents, spouses, friends and children. We can have more grace and more patience for those who deserve it and when the situation arises we can also be stern and uncompromising.

When I finally stopped trying to sell myself lies about who I really was and came to terms with the mess that is me, only then did I know how dependent I am on God and how hopeless I am without him. Many people feel like they have to clean up their act and pay some kind of penance before they can call out to God for help. The truth is that God is with us in the gutter. Discovering my shortcomings and dealing with my issues is humbling and even disconcerting but it is comforting to know that God hasn’t abandoned me.

Albert Einstein famously theorized the definition of insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I am sick of banging my head against the wall with only a headache to show for it aren’t you? It’s time we honestly take stock of our lives, our flaws and our crazy. Perhaps it’s time to try another approach.